Wish I didn't know the meaning of...

Paranoid and in fear is what I've been feeling this past couple of weeks.

Dia tau ke? I don't think dia tau. But why do I get the feeling like dia dah tau and dia rasa, "I feel sorry for this kid." Or "What was she thinking? Now I really need to stay away from her".

Or maybe dia tak tau pun. Clearly there are a lot more important stuff dia boleh buat and dia kena buat. So I don't think dia tau.I mean, not a lot of people know. And really, bukan semua orang tau the existence of this blog.

But what if dia dapat tau? What if a person who reads another person's blog and that person happens to have the link of my blog and the first person who's reading the second person's blog now also reads my blog? And what if dia bagitau kawan dia and oh, I don't know...this person decides to check out my blog and finds out this thing that the person wasn't supposed to find out?

God, I hate being paranoid.

I swear if that person finds out...and if I don't die of embarrassment then and there I would.....

Geez, I don't even know what I would do...

Even thinking about it happening already gives me the chills.

Okay, moving on to a less nerve-wrecking topic.

3 more months to go dear self. I think one of these day I need to do a reflection on all the things that have happened this year.

I think I took a lot of chances this year.

Last year it was No Boundaries by Kris Allen. Cringe or snide all you want but I was going through a tough time last year. It was my go-to song.

This year it was (still is till then end of 2010) Remember The Name by Fort Minor.

Want to know a secret weapon of mine?

It's what I tell myself every time I'm afraid of taking a risk or starting a new challenge (because I'm more of a routine person who's terrified of new beginnings and taking risks).

"Meet challenges with courage".

Dear, I fear we're facing a problem...

Just go already.

Penat la...

Sometimes, you are your own worst enemy.

See, one part nak rasa macam ni but reason says otherwise.

It's a whole lot easier listening to your reason rather than your emotion. You'll be safe. Always dalam comfort zone. Not a single chance of you getting....I can't believe I'm saying this....here goes nothing...

Hurt.

In reality it's more fun feeling with your emotion rather than your reason. Boleh rasa macam-macam benda yang tak pernah rasa sebelum ni. However you open yourself up to letting some things hurt you. Sebab when you're that happy, for a moment you ter-let your guard down.

Again I'm spewing crap here.

I am moving forward, I have to move forward. But I'm running out of reason not to look back.

Tolong la, just go already.