Let's make the best out of our lives

Okay. This will be a short and quick one.

There are currently 2 new additional things yang "menyerikan" (for lack of a better word) my life right now.

One is I've just joined an Usrah group. Berguru dengan Dr Harlina Siraj. She is amazing. The first time I went to her majlis ilmu, I was hooked on to her every word. 2 jam punya talk yang my mind literally tak menerawang ke territory yang tak patut diterokai.

The best part it, free ilmu. Rasa macam di-blessed sangat-sangat sebab diberi peluang to gain more knowledge from such a prominent figure in Malaysia. Boleh google nama dia ok? She has won numerous awards.

I'd write more about my first Usrah experience but time does not permit me to do so.
So I'll quickly move on to the second thing that is currently my sole reason of living and breathing. Bila bangun teringat kat dia. Sebelum tidur pun teringat kat dia.

Dia is my research project. Yes, I've started on my research. Kalau nak bercerita pasal si cinta hati saya ni, I've no idea where to even begin.

With the help of my kind supervisor,Dr Nazean Jomhari, insyaAllah I'll be developing a courseware that teaches deaf kids in Malaysia to recite the Quran. It'll be a pioneer project as no such system has ever been created in Malaysia or in any parts of the world. Credit due to Ustazah Nor Aziah for creating the technique that allows the disabled children to learn from the quran just like normal kids do. Bila dapat tau I'll be attached to her, and the opportunities I get to explore with 2 such great academicians, rasa takut ada, nervous ada, teruja dan blessed pun ada. This will definitely be an enriching but also challenging journey for me. I can only pray I'll be able to shoulder the responsibility that is being given to me.

Again, I could go on and on "bercerita" about my research. There's more that I want to tell about my supervisor and my client, Ustazah Nor Aziah, but masa memang dengki habis dengan saya. One of the research tasks is sitting right in front of me menunggu untuk disudahkan.

Saya cuma nak cakap saya teruja dan rasa seperti energetic untuk buat research (See, the one thing that you will never be able to run away from being a research student is kadang2 rasa macam bersemangat pasal research, other days rasa macam bakar je journals tu and pi berjimba sampai tak ingat dunia) sebab I now have my enthusiastic mojo back. Many thanks to this one blog I found. A friend told me about it. May God bless this girl for sharing her knowledge about the to-do's in a research.

So sekarang saya dah tau pasal Dropbox, LR matrix dan Mendeley.

There's one thing these two things have in common. Kedua-duanya somehow "memaksa" saya untuk menjadi lebih sociable. Yelah, bila pergi Usrah, nak kena beramah-mesra dengan the other sisters, kongsi knowledge. Bila buat research, tak boleh la jugak bertapa dalam bilik yang sekarang dah macam gua, tak keluar langsung sampai tak notice kat rumah sendiri dah upgrade ke Astro beyond kan?? Kena bersosial dengan the other researchers jugak.

Why am I highlighting about the social theme here?

because if you know me, you'd know my social skills is bad. I'm the introvert. Kalau ada satu perjumpaan atau gathering and I'll be the only one there yang tak kenal orang-orang yang lain, instead of approaching that big group of girl yang sedang berborak dengan gembiranya, I'd sit in one corner pretending I'm extremely interested in studying the karipap I'm holding in my hand.

Eh, apekah??

Okay, kata nak buat short post. Ni dah panjang dah.

Kerja tepi saya dah memanggil dah.

My research project is my amanah. I pray to Him to give me the strength to laksanakan ia sebaik mungkin.

She whom I look up to.

In dealing with a difficult situation, "Listen. Then respond with compassion" is what I hold on to.

Nak meluahkan ketidak-puasan hati atau teguran, there are appropriate ways to do so. Kalau marah-marah, membebel, throw tantrums, buat tunjuk perasaan, hantar long, nasty e-mails with harsh bolded words in it, walaupun akan rasa lega sebab dah diluahkan apa yang terbuku di hati tapi there are chances mesej yang diketengahkan tak sampai kepada si pendengar. Because all he or she is hearing is the noise, not the content of your message.

I usually avoid confrontations. I walk away. I am always open to a rational discussion atau teguran berhemah between 2 people. For that, I usually will stay.

I believe in being beradab in everything you do. Adab melambangkan keperibadian seseorang. Adab shows how civilized you are as a human being.

Surah an-Nisa. The Women. A surah that He has specially given to us. Even dalam tu ada diterangkan pasal pentingnya beradab.

" When a (courteous) greeting is offered to you, meet it with a greeting still more courteous, or (at least) of equal courtesy. Allah takes careful account of all things. "—Qur'an 4:86.

I'm glad she feels the same way too.

" Dan hakikatnya kita semua manusia biasa. I love them all and will continue to do so. Ini asyik nak gaduh je kalau berlainan ideologi. Saya akan buktikan kita masih mampu berkongsi pandangan dan BERKAWAN walaupun hakikatnya kita tidak bersetuju dengan pihak yang lain. We can agree to disagree. Dengan hikmah dan penuh adab. Dengan akal dan santun. Dengan sifat budi bahasa dan menghormati perbezaan pandangan. "

Wardina Safiyyah (2011)

** Would like to emphasize that this has nothing to do with any political matters or the recent BERSIH issue. Sekadar pendapat ikhlas saya tentang dealing with sticky and messy situations in normal, everyday life. **

My favourite love letter from Him is No.94

I think life isn't all that bad if you take everything that happened in your life as a lesson, as something that you need to learn from. Of course, I'm also still learning as I go here...

Sungguh saya cakap, banyak yang telah saya pelajari through everything that has been going on for the past 6, 7 months... Perspectives have also changed. That much I know.

The biggest lesson that I've learned up till now is when faced with tests or trials by Allah, one should see it as a hidden blessing. That through the difficulty of the trial, He is actually giving you an opportunity to get closer to Him.

Another friend of mine also said, "Sebab Dia sayang kita la Dia uji kita..."

People say it's easier said than done. "Senang la cakap banyakkan bersabar, tak jadi kat awak..."

Betul. Memang betul.

Which then comes to second thing I've learned : tests from Him come in many different shapes and sizes. Tiada yang lebih tahu mengenai kemampuan seseorang untuk menghadapi ujian atau dugaan melainkan Dia. Because He created us. Only He knows the appropriate type of ujian untuk diberi and mengikut kemampuan hamba-hamba Dia.

So just because A's current trial isn't as big as the difficulty B is facing now, does not mean it's less hard for A to get through it than it is for B.

Back when I was a realist, when life threw me a setback, a challenge, I'd go and think, "Somewhere out there, someone is fighting a bigger battle than I am. Suck it up je la..."

(Of course, you could always find me bawling my eyes out in the nearest washroom/bathroom available. I'm a girl... And old habits die hard...*shrugs*)

It has never been my intention to preach in this post. Sekadar nak berkongsi pengalaman. Islamic Thinking @ Twitter.com said, "Sometimes in order to wait for the sun to shine, you have to stand under the rain just a little longer."

True. But I think it'd be awesome if whilst standing in the rain, you have an umbrella with you. Takde payung nanti sakit la kan, tunggu lelama bawah hujan???

Surah al-Inshirah is the best "umbrella" there is. It makes the waiting bearable...

I could be biased since it is my favourite surah. :)

Terpulang pada setiap individu, what is you're preference of the Quranic verse.

Waiting is hard, but He will make the journey worthwhile for you.

Kena have faith...

Of course, this also serves as a reminder for myself too. Saya tak sempurna, and wanting to improve towards the better is never easy.

********************************************************************

On a completely different but somewhat related matter, one of my close friends-cum-saya-sendiri-appoint-dia-jadi-therapist-saya once told me the concept of Catharsis. Ni yang susah bila you have a friend who's darn good in reading your internal turmoils... LOL!

More about Catharsis can be read here.

And while I was doing random web-surfing, I stumbled upon something that I could relate close to heart. The Story of The Sad Sadness

“Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold”

I've not written for a while.

Some days,I feel so happy and blessed that all I want to do is spread the happiness to everyone else. If I were still working, that meant I'll be serving a customer extra chirpy. And that I wish God would bless them with the same happy feeling that He has given me.

Other days, I feel so sad it almost breaks my heart and all I want to do is crawl under the covers of my bed and weep. And that I wish Allah would take the pain away.

.

.

.

.

.

Someone told me that nobody can give me the best respite except for Him.

94:5-6 is the current solace. Balm for the sore, yes?

I've a long way to go. That much I know.

"When Allah created his creatures He wrote above His throne: Verily, my Compassion overcomes my wrath." (Bukhari & Muslim)

Of 2:216. And her.

"I see there are so many people. So much drama and energy to find someone who's almost never the right person anyway. It just shoudn't be so hard... bila percaya manusia lebih daripada Tuhan, jadi bodoh. So, ask to God not to His slave." (Nurliyana, 2011)

And if Allah touches you with affliction, none can remove it but He...

(cont) ...But if He bestows upon you a favor, remember that He is the Possessor of every power to do all that He wills. (6:17)

Everyone has problems / deepest darkest secrets / burdens. And some people, they're so good at hiding these things that they seem almost somewhat normal to you. They'd joke around with you, make the most random conversations with you, and even smile at you as you pass their way. You can never tell they're just one nerve away from breaking down, losing it for real.

Kadang-kadang, kita memilih untuk keep the problems or secrets to ourselves sebab it's not easy letting others know about them. Be it your family, your best-est of friends or your loved ones. You rasa macam takut nak deal with how they would react towards you.

Kadang-kadang we keep it to ourselves because we are so used to "keeping it to ourselves", it becomes a part of us. It is not some martyr act to prove that we're strong enough to carry these burdens on our own. No. Sometimes, the simplest of explanation is because we were brought up that way. Maka "old habits die hard".

Kadang-kadang we just don't feel like telling anybody about our problems or secrets bacause we would think, "Everyone has problems. Terima je la. It's not as if the world is making a special exception for me pun."

Kadang-kadang, it's because we know people might not understand the real situation, as much as they try to convince us that they do. Sebab sebenarnya, semua orang bila berdepan dengan masalah, the emotional reactions are never the same. I can't explain why and how are they different, I just know it for a fact.

And there are probably a hundred other reasons why we choose to do what we do. And how we choose to face the problems or deal with the burdening secret is a whole different story pulak..

For me, I just want the person to tell me, "You're going to be okay." It does not matter if that person can't understand my situation. I just need that person to convince me that things will be okay.

Kena have faith that things will be okay. Allah has said it in both 8:46 and 94:5-6.

"You're going to be okay" is always more comforting to me than "I understand".

But like I said, lain orang, lain la the preference..

Sometimes, it amazes me to see such a strength inside of a person, nak pulak if it is coming from a woman. She could've told her friends or family to help her get through it, but instead she "went in" alone, for reasons one might not comprehend but should respect. I can tell it broke her heart. Mine nearly did just by listening to her.

Being a girl at this age, I belum pernah ada such a friend yang kena melalui benda-benda sebegitu. So I can't even begin to imagine how terribly difficult it must've been for her. But the feeling of pain, one should never wish it to another person.

It is during times like these one would think, "Just when I think I'm having it bad, someone else is having it worse".

And it is during this time one finally realizes she should be thankful with this current life Allah has so generously blessed her with. She could have had worse. And she'll pray so hard that if He decides to test her with such a "dugaan", she'll be as strong as the woman who "went in" alone.

Have to be constantly reminded that with each test, Allah has given one an opportunity to get closer to Him through the trials.

I’m trying hard not to resist the joy...

When I first heard this song, I knew lagu ni described dia.

Just like how Trouble Is A Friend used to describe Voldemort.

I did say lyrics of songs usually best express how I really feel kan? Only because I'm not the most articulate person in the entire world.

Double LOL.

Lenka sure does understand a girl's heart.

I asked my friend to check out the song. And then....

"Babe.. i just saw the mv for lenka's my heart skips a beat... how appropriate was the video with all the medical props and dancing stethoscope? hahahaha"

Farihna, I copy paste. Am making full use of modern technology. Haha. Okay, tak related.

Point is, I haven't watch the video prior to her saying that. And when I did...

Nak tergelak.
.
.
.
.
.

Because he's a medical student.

Thanks Lenka.

The more you thank Me, the more I give you. (14:7)

Tweet from LOVE_THETRUTH :

"Dreams start with love, grow with pain and ambition and come true with courage."

I really really want this year to be a good one. Last year was awesome, but I'm praying that 24 will be better. That this will be the year I get to do good things. For myself. And for others as well. And I have all the plans mapped out. I'm just praying for the strength from Him to execute them.

Five years from now, I want to be able to look back and think, "Yeah, 24 was definitely a good year for me."

Last year was awesome because for once, I did something that made ME happy. For the first time in my life, I was doing something because I wanted to do it. Not because he or she or you told me to do it. Not because I'm obligated to do it. It was entirely my choice. Mine alone.

It felt liberating.

If I have to work hard to achieve something this year, I want it to be for something that I love.

Maybe I'm tired of being a realist. Where everybody keeps pointing out that the world is a tough place to live in and if you don't work your *bleep* out you'll be left behind. That if you don't conform to what people think you should be, then you are nobody significant. Maybe, for once, I just want to take a step back and be thankful for all these little things Allah has given me and all the big things He has generously blessed me with.

Food for the soul :

"Patience is not about how long one can wait, but how well one behaves while waiting."

As of 2011 semester break for both IPTA and IPTS will start from May to September. As much as I love the holidays, the fact that my brain and body will be put under "hibernation" for more than a month worries me actually.

Thankfully the faculty has organized a 12-weeks workshop for the postgraduate students. At least that will force my brain not to go into sluggish mode.

And working back in Borders will most probably tire me out physically so I don't actually have to worry much about being a total sloth at home during the holidays.

Short term goals for the next 5 months :

1) Get through my final examination week. Alive, that is. (25th April 2011 - 5th May 2011)
2) Work part time in Borders. (May - September)
3) Participate in my faculty's "Postgraduate Research Excellence" workshop (May - August).
4) Ada rezeki lebih, I'd like to enroll in Al-Maghrib's double-weekend-Degree-seminar in June. $$-$$ kenala kumpul dulu...

I'd love to elaborate more about this one organization that I recently got to know of but was afraid I might not do them justice. This organization is big in the US and UK but only recently did it arrive in Malaysia. So here's a link. Could check it out, if you want. http://almaghrib.org/

The first Degree seminar they held was in UM but I missed out on it since classes were in the way of things and all.. But the second seminar will be held this June.

That aside, I'm glad I have all these plans to keep myself busy for this coming semester break. Then it's, "Hello Final Year and Research Project and no social life till God knows when".

And tiba-tiba rasa takut and macam tak boleh nak bernafas....

*I came across this picture, and I've decided it will be one of the places I'd like to visit someday. The Qolshariff mosque in Kazan, Russia. The inside is just breathtaking...*

Hebah Ahmed is awesome. Period.

"Basically, I want people to know that when I choose to cover this way it’s because I am fighting against a systematic oppression against women in which women’s bodies are being sexualized and objectified. This is a different perspective and a different form of empowerment in which I think when I’m in public, my sexuality is in my control and people have to deal with my brain and who I really am and not judge me by my body. And if we want to really talk about the oppressive situation of women, let’s talk about all the eating disorders, all of the plastic surgery, all of the unhealthy diets that are being done, all in the name of having the perfect body. To me, this is liberating and this is empowering."

Full transcript : http://muslimmatters.org/2011/04/12/cnn-hebah-ahmed-muslimmatters-blogger-debates-mona-eltahawy-over-french-niqab-burka-ban/

Niqab is banned in France. Appear in public with one and you will get arrested.

I'm not wearing a Niqab but I am wearing a hijab. And I absolutely adore how Hebah Ahmed articulated her points.