Of 2:216. And her.

"I see there are so many people. So much drama and energy to find someone who's almost never the right person anyway. It just shoudn't be so hard... bila percaya manusia lebih daripada Tuhan, jadi bodoh. So, ask to God not to His slave." (Nurliyana, 2011)

And if Allah touches you with affliction, none can remove it but He...

(cont) ...But if He bestows upon you a favor, remember that He is the Possessor of every power to do all that He wills. (6:17)

Everyone has problems / deepest darkest secrets / burdens. And some people, they're so good at hiding these things that they seem almost somewhat normal to you. They'd joke around with you, make the most random conversations with you, and even smile at you as you pass their way. You can never tell they're just one nerve away from breaking down, losing it for real.

Kadang-kadang, kita memilih untuk keep the problems or secrets to ourselves sebab it's not easy letting others know about them. Be it your family, your best-est of friends or your loved ones. You rasa macam takut nak deal with how they would react towards you.

Kadang-kadang we keep it to ourselves because we are so used to "keeping it to ourselves", it becomes a part of us. It is not some martyr act to prove that we're strong enough to carry these burdens on our own. No. Sometimes, the simplest of explanation is because we were brought up that way. Maka "old habits die hard".

Kadang-kadang we just don't feel like telling anybody about our problems or secrets bacause we would think, "Everyone has problems. Terima je la. It's not as if the world is making a special exception for me pun."

Kadang-kadang, it's because we know people might not understand the real situation, as much as they try to convince us that they do. Sebab sebenarnya, semua orang bila berdepan dengan masalah, the emotional reactions are never the same. I can't explain why and how are they different, I just know it for a fact.

And there are probably a hundred other reasons why we choose to do what we do. And how we choose to face the problems or deal with the burdening secret is a whole different story pulak..

For me, I just want the person to tell me, "You're going to be okay." It does not matter if that person can't understand my situation. I just need that person to convince me that things will be okay.

Kena have faith that things will be okay. Allah has said it in both 8:46 and 94:5-6.

"You're going to be okay" is always more comforting to me than "I understand".

But like I said, lain orang, lain la the preference..

Sometimes, it amazes me to see such a strength inside of a person, nak pulak if it is coming from a woman. She could've told her friends or family to help her get through it, but instead she "went in" alone, for reasons one might not comprehend but should respect. I can tell it broke her heart. Mine nearly did just by listening to her.

Being a girl at this age, I belum pernah ada such a friend yang kena melalui benda-benda sebegitu. So I can't even begin to imagine how terribly difficult it must've been for her. But the feeling of pain, one should never wish it to another person.

It is during times like these one would think, "Just when I think I'm having it bad, someone else is having it worse".

And it is during this time one finally realizes she should be thankful with this current life Allah has so generously blessed her with. She could have had worse. And she'll pray so hard that if He decides to test her with such a "dugaan", she'll be as strong as the woman who "went in" alone.

Have to be constantly reminded that with each test, Allah has given one an opportunity to get closer to Him through the trials.

I’m trying hard not to resist the joy...

When I first heard this song, I knew lagu ni described dia.

Just like how Trouble Is A Friend used to describe Voldemort.

I did say lyrics of songs usually best express how I really feel kan? Only because I'm not the most articulate person in the entire world.

Double LOL.

Lenka sure does understand a girl's heart.

I asked my friend to check out the song. And then....

"Babe.. i just saw the mv for lenka's my heart skips a beat... how appropriate was the video with all the medical props and dancing stethoscope? hahahaha"

Farihna, I copy paste. Am making full use of modern technology. Haha. Okay, tak related.

Point is, I haven't watch the video prior to her saying that. And when I did...

Nak tergelak.
.
.
.
.
.

Because he's a medical student.

Thanks Lenka.

The more you thank Me, the more I give you. (14:7)

Tweet from LOVE_THETRUTH :

"Dreams start with love, grow with pain and ambition and come true with courage."

I really really want this year to be a good one. Last year was awesome, but I'm praying that 24 will be better. That this will be the year I get to do good things. For myself. And for others as well. And I have all the plans mapped out. I'm just praying for the strength from Him to execute them.

Five years from now, I want to be able to look back and think, "Yeah, 24 was definitely a good year for me."

Last year was awesome because for once, I did something that made ME happy. For the first time in my life, I was doing something because I wanted to do it. Not because he or she or you told me to do it. Not because I'm obligated to do it. It was entirely my choice. Mine alone.

It felt liberating.

If I have to work hard to achieve something this year, I want it to be for something that I love.

Maybe I'm tired of being a realist. Where everybody keeps pointing out that the world is a tough place to live in and if you don't work your *bleep* out you'll be left behind. That if you don't conform to what people think you should be, then you are nobody significant. Maybe, for once, I just want to take a step back and be thankful for all these little things Allah has given me and all the big things He has generously blessed me with.

Food for the soul :

"Patience is not about how long one can wait, but how well one behaves while waiting."

As of 2011 semester break for both IPTA and IPTS will start from May to September. As much as I love the holidays, the fact that my brain and body will be put under "hibernation" for more than a month worries me actually.

Thankfully the faculty has organized a 12-weeks workshop for the postgraduate students. At least that will force my brain not to go into sluggish mode.

And working back in Borders will most probably tire me out physically so I don't actually have to worry much about being a total sloth at home during the holidays.

Short term goals for the next 5 months :

1) Get through my final examination week. Alive, that is. (25th April 2011 - 5th May 2011)
2) Work part time in Borders. (May - September)
3) Participate in my faculty's "Postgraduate Research Excellence" workshop (May - August).
4) Ada rezeki lebih, I'd like to enroll in Al-Maghrib's double-weekend-Degree-seminar in June. $$-$$ kenala kumpul dulu...

I'd love to elaborate more about this one organization that I recently got to know of but was afraid I might not do them justice. This organization is big in the US and UK but only recently did it arrive in Malaysia. So here's a link. Could check it out, if you want. http://almaghrib.org/

The first Degree seminar they held was in UM but I missed out on it since classes were in the way of things and all.. But the second seminar will be held this June.

That aside, I'm glad I have all these plans to keep myself busy for this coming semester break. Then it's, "Hello Final Year and Research Project and no social life till God knows when".

And tiba-tiba rasa takut and macam tak boleh nak bernafas....

*I came across this picture, and I've decided it will be one of the places I'd like to visit someday. The Qolshariff mosque in Kazan, Russia. The inside is just breathtaking...*

Hebah Ahmed is awesome. Period.

"Basically, I want people to know that when I choose to cover this way it’s because I am fighting against a systematic oppression against women in which women’s bodies are being sexualized and objectified. This is a different perspective and a different form of empowerment in which I think when I’m in public, my sexuality is in my control and people have to deal with my brain and who I really am and not judge me by my body. And if we want to really talk about the oppressive situation of women, let’s talk about all the eating disorders, all of the plastic surgery, all of the unhealthy diets that are being done, all in the name of having the perfect body. To me, this is liberating and this is empowering."

Full transcript : http://muslimmatters.org/2011/04/12/cnn-hebah-ahmed-muslimmatters-blogger-debates-mona-eltahawy-over-french-niqab-burka-ban/

Niqab is banned in France. Appear in public with one and you will get arrested.

I'm not wearing a Niqab but I am wearing a hijab. And I absolutely adore how Hebah Ahmed articulated her points.

Food for the soul

Nobody Can Remove Hurt Except Allah. Even if someone tries to cause you any hurt, stay firm in your belief and remember that no one can cause you any pain if Allah does not desire it for you. And if Allah touches you with hurt, there is none who can remove it but He; and if He intends any good for you, there is none who can keep back His Favour; He brings it to whom He pleases of His servants; And He is the Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

~Surah Yunus 10:107~

There were things I wanted to tell him. But I knew they would hurt him. So I buried them and let them hurt me.

~Jonathan Safran Foer (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)~

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

Senang kan nak relapse to your old ways?

Lagi senang once you remembered how good it felt.

But I'm human. Bound to make mistakes.

I just wish people would understand me. That I don't have to tell them. That all the times we've spent together, growing up and all are enough to make them understand me. My discomfort. My silence.

But we're all human beings. Bound to make mistakes.

I would really like to meet Jonathan Safran Foer. I'd like to know what goes through his mind every time he pens down all these beautifully crafted words that struck my chord.

And jumping to a completely random topic....

Suka jugak baca these two particular blogs : Alkisah and my:lullaby. Letak link nanti they might sue me for invasion of privacy pulak. Haha. But yeah, one has a wicked style in humorous writing. The other one tu, I can't exactly figure out what is it about her blog that I like. Dia macam, ethereal-like but can also toss out the cold hard truth about what's happening around us in a perspective way.

I think dua-dua orang ni ade personaliti yang menarik.

This week is killing me. Figuratively speaking. Sebab lately ade je orang yang always take everything yang I cakap secara word for word. Haih...rolling my eyes. Literally.

Get to know Him in moments of ease. He will know you in moments of difficulty.

Yesterday was my birthday.

Allah has blessed me with another year to live. To make a difference. To improve.

Not to change. I won't say change. Change means becoming different in essence; losing one's or its original nature.

I knew I've always had a good life. But I think it was only last year that I realized I'm blessed (it's actually my current favourite word) with a good life. Along the way, I think I also realized 2 other things : One, I should not have to change myself. What I need to do is to improve myself. For the better. Two, in trying to improve I've to take baby steps. Wouldn't want my soul or bodily system to go into shock pulak kan? Haha. You need to take one pace at a time when you're ready to let something go and embrace something new.

Yesterday was indeed a good day. Had class from 12-3. I know, a drab right? On a Saturday pulak tu. But actually it was a blessing in disguise. After the class ended few of my classmates invited me for lunch which turned out to be a treat for the birthday girl. They even bought a cake. Baik kan diorang?? Only Allah can repay them for their kind deed. Then around 4, Claudia my old friend texted and we went for tea and an early dinner. Pun dia belanja jugak. Murah rezeki betul semalam..

The birthday wishes were the best of them all. Because wishes are like prayers. Ellina called, Sarah sent a semi-long wish all the way from UK, Amal tried calling but I was in class so she sent a very heart-felt birthday wish instead. And Ain, I baru dapat your text today. (Lambat la Ain. Ni yang sedih ni.. Haha). This is going to sound cheesy (or sappy, as Ain puts it) but I don't care. My bestfriends' love are one of the best gifts from Allah to me.

All sappiness aside, another person also made my day. Well, night actually. Yes that person was late but that person felt kind of guilty I almost felt sorry for that person. Haha. Still, dapat jugak another dose of endorphins kan?

And for all the well-wishers, whether it's through Facebook, texting or calling : Thank you so much for your kind words. Definitely made my day.

Michael Althsuler said, "The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot."

Now I don't know who Michael Althsuler is but I think he is one wise dude.

I want to do good things with the year 24. I want to become a compassionate Person, a kind Sister, a good Student, a loyal Friend and an amazing Bestfriend. But above all I want to be Allah's best and loving servant.

Macam susah kan?

But please pray for me that I can become all that.

Of doughnuts and a balloon.

I think I am addicted to Twitter.

Setiap satu minit kot...

And I am simply in love with all the quotes from https://twitter.com/IslamicThinking

Goodness grief.

Need to find something else to do.

On a happier note, last night somebody made my night.

A perfect ending for what seemed to be a really tiring and depressing Friday.

Depressing because I dented my Savvy.

That aside, did I mention somebody made my night?

Cool like tak boleh nak berhenti wear a ridiculously dopey smile.

(Ugh. I really have to bang my head on the wall.)