Dear, I fear we're facing a problem...

Just go already.

Penat la...

Sometimes, you are your own worst enemy.

See, one part nak rasa macam ni but reason says otherwise.

It's a whole lot easier listening to your reason rather than your emotion. You'll be safe. Always dalam comfort zone. Not a single chance of you getting....I can't believe I'm saying this....here goes nothing...

Hurt.

In reality it's more fun feeling with your emotion rather than your reason. Boleh rasa macam-macam benda yang tak pernah rasa sebelum ni. However you open yourself up to letting some things hurt you. Sebab when you're that happy, for a moment you ter-let your guard down.

Again I'm spewing crap here.

I am moving forward, I have to move forward. But I'm running out of reason not to look back.

Tolong la, just go already.

Does he sing to all your favourite music?

Theme song Doraemon tak dikira.

LOL. Okay, that was random (not!).

I am overdosing myself (a term repeatedly used in this blog whenever I'm addicted to a new song and I'll replay that song over and over and OVER again in my iPod) with "Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars.

And somehow I find myself being in love again with an old, favourite but forgotten song. I first heard it a few months back, can't really remember when.

"Like We Used To" by A Rocket To The Moon.

Sangat suka with the lyrics though they're kind of menyedihkan punya lirik.

Because the dude really loved the girl.

See, another reason why I love this video is because in the end, he got over her.

A personal reminder to self la ni kirenye...

I am "Unwritten".

What I need is a distraction.

I have to busy myself with work (both studies and kerja) and always surround myself with friends. For their laughter would be a constant reminder of how blessed I am to still have them in my life.

And I will laugh along with them. For it'll make the troubles go away.

And during that moment, even just for a second, I know I'm going to be okay.

To kamu-kamu semua (besties, colleague and sister), I don't think I can find the right words to describe how I really feel about all the things you people have done for me to get through this. Be it a blog post, a wall post, a lengthy private message, a comforting hug or even the simplest of act of lending an ear to listen. "Thank You" would be an understatement.

Know that I love each and every one of you. That's the best I can say.

"Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back."

That is according to Florence & The Machine.

Another one that people always use is "It was like a bullet through the chest."

Can't really imagine the pain since I was never shot in the chest before.

Tapi what I felt tadi was nothing like I ever experienced before. Not even when with budak koperasi.

In shock.

Nak call my cousin, she's already asleep.

Tried calling Cik F.O.S, she didn't pick up for the first 20 minutes or so.

Desperate sangat sampai sent her a pleading text to pick up the phone.

Ellina pulak jauh sangat kat India and I can't afford an international call.

But I have to unload it off to someone.

Then I asked my sister for a favour.

"Can you give along a hug but not ask what is wrong?".

And she did. An A plus sister, she is.

Ten minutes later baru dapat a call from Farihna.

Thanks.

I needed it.

I'm sorry for being this pathetic. I'm just a human being after all.

By the way, Selamat Ramadhan to all.

Lloro Por Ti.

Lloro pronounced as "jo-ro".

Means "I Cry For You".

I love Spanish. I love it even more when Enrique Iglesias sings in Spanish. Can make a girl sigh in content just by listening to him. Hahaha, okkaayyy...dah over dah. But seriously, one of the things I want to do in life is to learn Spanish.

Malay, English, basic German and some broken Cantonese (self taught from those days when I was madly in love with Ekin Cheng).

Sangat suka belajar language.

On a random note, this week I had to give up something that I enjoy doing in order to do another thing I like doing. Orang cakap too much of something you enjoy pun ain't exactly good for your health.

Like say for instance you wanted to take a break from, oh I don't know...chocolates(??). But somehow the cosmic has its own twisted plan whereby just before the day you supposedly nak "berpuasa" from chocolates, semua orang pun nak offer you chocolate.

Am I making sense here? No I'm not. Sangat la tak articulate with words for someone who claims she loves languages so much.

Pandai mengarut je lebih. Hey, if gibberish is considered as a language, hands down I would be the star student.

On a more random note, I actually like being a part-timer. Especially when I get to *coughs*page*coughs* someone for assistance.

Dear friends who happen to know what I'm babbling about, now would be a good time as any to knock me hard in the head.

From Meyer to Coelho.

It is getting even more busy. I was going to use hectic but that sounds a bit overly dramatic.

And my second annual batuk-selsema-sakit tekak came last Saturday. Every year I akan kena twice. How do I know? 3 years in a row dah kena dah. Once during the earlier part of the year and the second one would usually be following in the middle part of the year.

Took 15ml of cough syrup and in less than 15 minutes I was knocked dead. Figuratively speaking of course.

School work is piling. Part-time work is also piling.

No longer am I the guardian for the children's section. Am taking care of the "Mind, Body, Spirit" and "Travel" section now.

As for school work, I've to get 2 mini projects done by the middle of August and at the same time I still have to figure out a topic for my research paper. The title is due this Friday.

This is going to sound kooky but I actually love my busy life. Makes me feel all grown up. Haha.

But just to keep myself in check with reality, I need to stop and take a breather.

Saya tak nak la lose control of everything pulak kan???

**Inception was awesome. 3 of my favourite indie actors were in it. I knew ada Joseph Levitt and Cillian Murphy but then I saw Lukas Haas and I was like "No effing way!". Too bad they cut his character short. And Ellen Page definitely held her own amongst all the male lead.**

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

That was what Shakespeare said. Which I only came to know after watching another rerun episode of Criminal Minds. Spencer Reid I LOVE YOU. Haha.

On the way home in the car with my parents, while listening to them talk about the most random-est (ade ke perkataan macam tu?) of things, tiba-tiba I dapat an epiphany.

I can't afford to screw it. Not to them. Not after all the things they've done for me.

I will not screw my studies.
I will not screw my work.
I will not screw myself. (this meaning, from now on I'm going to do all the things that make me happy, not anyone else).

Of course right now, the 2 things that absolutely give me utter bliss are my studies and my work.

For the first time in such a long, long time, I feel like I've everything under control in my life.

The only thing left to do is to rid myself from all those petty distractions yang currently bukan first priority in my life.

At the same time nak betulkan balik karma la.

I say "Be kind to your mother, be kind to your father, be kind to your sister, be kind to your brother before being kind to anybody else."

Cloudy, with 50% chance of rain...

50-50 was what I kept repeating to myself.

Though tak terlalu berharap la kan...

Even convinced thy self that it has to be avoided at all cost.

But of course life usually has other plans for you. (Haha, melodramatic much?)

Bila kita tak berharap sangat dia jadi la. Vice versa.

I should thank you, God, for today.

With a smile like that, one could really forget why one was there in the first place.

"You broke my Birkin!!"

New handbags have a way of making a girl feel like she's in love. She would feel happy, content and for a week or so nothing can rain on her parade.

For those who are close to me, they would know that I'm passionately in love with bags. I can make do without shoes, just not bags. And although one of my 2010 resolutions is to not buy more handbags (mind you, it is darn hard to refrain myself from buying a new bag each month especially when I do actually have the $$-$$ to splurge this year with the part-time job and all) I found myself succumbing to my weak self this week.

Black studded handbag and a red patent purse, both by Charles and Keith.

And as I was passing by Dorothy Perkins, another bag caught my attention. A quilted, cream coloured, Chanel inspired bag. Okay, so I already have one in black that I got last year but there's no harm in getting one in a different colour. Kan?? Besides, the design is totally different from the one in black.

The day before yesterday, when Amal and I were hanging out in The Gardens Mall, we found out that Coach was doing a clearance sale. 50% off for all handbags. Yes, the big five oh. No joke

Because I'm a student who still lives with her parents, RM1000++ bags are usually out of the question. But 50% off somehow made the impossible seemed possible.

Amal was hyperventilating (I think) as she called her mom and let her know about the sale. She was targeting a pink cute tote bag.

Did I mentioned the bags on sale are all from the Poppy line? When the Poppy collection first came out I could only dream of getting one of the bags someday. I even tore out the ad from one of the magazines.

Unfortunately, the one I've been lusting for, the one I desperately wanted (next to the Gucci Indy bag) was sold out.

No 2 on my bag wish-list

As for Amal, I'm not sure whether she managed to convince her mom to get her the bag or not since she said she'll come back later in the evening with her mom.

Sometimes I wonder to myself, "If only a guy could make me feel this way."

Utter bliss weh... Even Johnny Depp comes second to bags.

Sharing the wisdom of Blair Waldorf, "Whoever said money doesn't buy happiness obviously didn't know where to shop."

As for me, I find happiness in handbag shops.

Move along, move along just to make it through...

I love routines. They help keep me stable. Routines also help me into thinking I've everything under control. And when you have OCPD, control is crucial or chances are, you're going to find yourself suffering from a nervous breakdown.

The thing with people who love routines is they always have a hard time moving on when something has come to an end. And they are always, most of the time, terrified of new beginnings, because it means having to face the fact that things are changing.

I suck at moving on, at saying goodbyes... Sometimes, I simply skip the goodbye part altogether. It's rude to some but I don't think they know just how hard it is for me.

I definitely suck at letting go of the past. Especially when the past is too good a memory to just easily let go of.

I would cling on to it for dear life, if I had it my way.

If I can't, then you could most probably find me in my 3rd house, Denial Land.

New beginnings are supposed to be fun, I know. Don't think I don't.

But I'm just plain scared. That's all.