Uh oh, what will we borrow now, and pay back somehow?

"How is like different from love?"

Like - 1 to be fond of ; 2 to enjoy

Love - 1 strong feeling of affection ; 2 a great interest and pleasure in something

[Cited from Oxford Student's dictionary Of Current English for KBSM]

Macam tak membantu je explanation tu...

Often in movies when things don't work out between a couple, either the guy or the girl would deliver these lines which are in the top 5 of cliche lines:

"I love you but I'm not in love with you"

A classic favourite :

"It's not you, it's me"

I think I want to change my cliche line. Don't worry, it will not involve any poor dude in the receiving end.

"I like love chocolate, but I love am in love with dark chocolate."

Just like ending a relationship, finishing a chocolate is also messy. But the pros of "ending" it with a chocolate, especially Toblerone's dark chocolate, is you get to lick the mess off your fingers. Can't say the same about the former one now can we?

Cause two can keep a secret if one of them is dead

Oh dear.

The cat is out of the bag. (No pun intended to a certain someone who speaks kitty language)

I could be screwed.

I don't see the point of making this blog private and accessible to only the selected few.

Why put them through all the hassle eyh?

I probably shouldn't have turned this blog into a place where I unleash my deepest, darkest secret no?

Then again, I didn't count on having readers outside of my "inner and most close" social circle.

So, if you know you were never part of my inner circle (and really, there's not a lot of them because these are the people who've been with me through thick and thin), think you could keep the content of this blog a secret?

Because it's not yours to tell.

Is this a personal plea? No.

Just a gentle reminder of common courtesy.

For those days we felt like a mistake

I love Brent Kutzle.

P.s : May God bless you on your special day today Sir Voldemort.

*Me and my ego. Haih....*

Wish I didn't know the meaning of...

Paranoid and in fear is what I've been feeling this past couple of weeks.

Dia tau ke? I don't think dia tau. But why do I get the feeling like dia dah tau and dia rasa, "I feel sorry for this kid." Or "What was she thinking? Now I really need to stay away from her".

Or maybe dia tak tau pun. Clearly there are a lot more important stuff dia boleh buat and dia kena buat. So I don't think dia tau.I mean, not a lot of people know. And really, bukan semua orang tau the existence of this blog.

But what if dia dapat tau? What if a person who reads another person's blog and that person happens to have the link of my blog and the first person who's reading the second person's blog now also reads my blog? And what if dia bagitau kawan dia and oh, I don't know...this person decides to check out my blog and finds out this thing that the person wasn't supposed to find out?

God, I hate being paranoid.

I swear if that person finds out...and if I don't die of embarrassment then and there I would.....

Geez, I don't even know what I would do...

Even thinking about it happening already gives me the chills.

Okay, moving on to a less nerve-wrecking topic.

3 more months to go dear self. I think one of these day I need to do a reflection on all the things that have happened this year.

I think I took a lot of chances this year.

Last year it was No Boundaries by Kris Allen. Cringe or snide all you want but I was going through a tough time last year. It was my go-to song.

This year it was (still is till then end of 2010) Remember The Name by Fort Minor.

Want to know a secret weapon of mine?

It's what I tell myself every time I'm afraid of taking a risk or starting a new challenge (because I'm more of a routine person who's terrified of new beginnings and taking risks).

"Meet challenges with courage".

Dear, I fear we're facing a problem...

Just go already.

Penat la...

Sometimes, you are your own worst enemy.

See, one part nak rasa macam ni but reason says otherwise.

It's a whole lot easier listening to your reason rather than your emotion. You'll be safe. Always dalam comfort zone. Not a single chance of you getting....I can't believe I'm saying this....here goes nothing...

Hurt.

In reality it's more fun feeling with your emotion rather than your reason. Boleh rasa macam-macam benda yang tak pernah rasa sebelum ni. However you open yourself up to letting some things hurt you. Sebab when you're that happy, for a moment you ter-let your guard down.

Again I'm spewing crap here.

I am moving forward, I have to move forward. But I'm running out of reason not to look back.

Tolong la, just go already.

Does he sing to all your favourite music?

Theme song Doraemon tak dikira.

LOL. Okay, that was random (not!).

I am overdosing myself (a term repeatedly used in this blog whenever I'm addicted to a new song and I'll replay that song over and over and OVER again in my iPod) with "Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars.

And somehow I find myself being in love again with an old, favourite but forgotten song. I first heard it a few months back, can't really remember when.

"Like We Used To" by A Rocket To The Moon.

Sangat suka with the lyrics though they're kind of menyedihkan punya lirik.

Because the dude really loved the girl.

See, another reason why I love this video is because in the end, he got over her.

A personal reminder to self la ni kirenye...

I am "Unwritten".

What I need is a distraction.

I have to busy myself with work (both studies and kerja) and always surround myself with friends. For their laughter would be a constant reminder of how blessed I am to still have them in my life.

And I will laugh along with them. For it'll make the troubles go away.

And during that moment, even just for a second, I know I'm going to be okay.

To kamu-kamu semua (besties, colleague and sister), I don't think I can find the right words to describe how I really feel about all the things you people have done for me to get through this. Be it a blog post, a wall post, a lengthy private message, a comforting hug or even the simplest of act of lending an ear to listen. "Thank You" would be an understatement.

Know that I love each and every one of you. That's the best I can say.

"Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back."

That is according to Florence & The Machine.

Another one that people always use is "It was like a bullet through the chest."

Can't really imagine the pain since I was never shot in the chest before.

Tapi what I felt tadi was nothing like I ever experienced before. Not even when with budak koperasi.

In shock.

Nak call my cousin, she's already asleep.

Tried calling Cik F.O.S, she didn't pick up for the first 20 minutes or so.

Desperate sangat sampai sent her a pleading text to pick up the phone.

Ellina pulak jauh sangat kat India and I can't afford an international call.

But I have to unload it off to someone.

Then I asked my sister for a favour.

"Can you give along a hug but not ask what is wrong?".

And she did. An A plus sister, she is.

Ten minutes later baru dapat a call from Farihna.

Thanks.

I needed it.

I'm sorry for being this pathetic. I'm just a human being after all.

By the way, Selamat Ramadhan to all.

Lloro Por Ti.

Lloro pronounced as "jo-ro".

Means "I Cry For You".

I love Spanish. I love it even more when Enrique Iglesias sings in Spanish. Can make a girl sigh in content just by listening to him. Hahaha, okkaayyy...dah over dah. But seriously, one of the things I want to do in life is to learn Spanish.

Malay, English, basic German and some broken Cantonese (self taught from those days when I was madly in love with Ekin Cheng).

Sangat suka belajar language.

On a random note, this week I had to give up something that I enjoy doing in order to do another thing I like doing. Orang cakap too much of something you enjoy pun ain't exactly good for your health.

Like say for instance you wanted to take a break from, oh I don't know...chocolates(??). But somehow the cosmic has its own twisted plan whereby just before the day you supposedly nak "berpuasa" from chocolates, semua orang pun nak offer you chocolate.

Am I making sense here? No I'm not. Sangat la tak articulate with words for someone who claims she loves languages so much.

Pandai mengarut je lebih. Hey, if gibberish is considered as a language, hands down I would be the star student.

On a more random note, I actually like being a part-timer. Especially when I get to *coughs*page*coughs* someone for assistance.

Dear friends who happen to know what I'm babbling about, now would be a good time as any to knock me hard in the head.

From Meyer to Coelho.

It is getting even more busy. I was going to use hectic but that sounds a bit overly dramatic.

And my second annual batuk-selsema-sakit tekak came last Saturday. Every year I akan kena twice. How do I know? 3 years in a row dah kena dah. Once during the earlier part of the year and the second one would usually be following in the middle part of the year.

Took 15ml of cough syrup and in less than 15 minutes I was knocked dead. Figuratively speaking of course.

School work is piling. Part-time work is also piling.

No longer am I the guardian for the children's section. Am taking care of the "Mind, Body, Spirit" and "Travel" section now.

As for school work, I've to get 2 mini projects done by the middle of August and at the same time I still have to figure out a topic for my research paper. The title is due this Friday.

This is going to sound kooky but I actually love my busy life. Makes me feel all grown up. Haha.

But just to keep myself in check with reality, I need to stop and take a breather.

Saya tak nak la lose control of everything pulak kan???

**Inception was awesome. 3 of my favourite indie actors were in it. I knew ada Joseph Levitt and Cillian Murphy but then I saw Lukas Haas and I was like "No effing way!". Too bad they cut his character short. And Ellen Page definitely held her own amongst all the male lead.**