I left my head and my heart on the dance floor.

Lately I've been craving for a berry.

Well, it has always been on my wish list cuma never really got the chance to realize it yet. Haha.

Blueberry, blackberry, raspberry, strawberry?

I can either resist the urge or splurge on next month's salary.

Hailo....need help la with my compulsive shopping.

And I still haven't found the oxfords I wanted since last January.

Saw 2 amazing pairs in Gardens. We are talking black, shine-y, patent and to die for oxfords here.

One was RM 399. (Hah, in my dreams la). The second one lagi la tak masuk akal. It was RM 899. -_-"

Thankfully I'm no huge shoe-addict.

You should never spend that much on shoes. Unless they're by Jimmy Choos.

Heh, it rhymed...

Okay, waking up early on a Sunday morning is not doing me any good.

Will stop mengarut-ing now before it gets worse.

I want to sleep. I need to sleep. Tapi can't seem to fall back to sleep la after waking up at 6++ tadi. Pfft!

#1. And when he smiles I just have to look twice.

Or sengih, more like it.

Even that I find darn adorable.

This is bad for me...it really is...

It's affecting my sane and stable side of mind.

Which is why I've made a decision that I'm done with it.

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Can I treat these past 9 days as a detox or rehab program?? -cue for Rehab by Amy Winehouse-

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The thing is, it's a lot easier executing the plan with him not even around to begin with.

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Nanti besok pagi-pagi lagi dah suffer from relapse at the first sight of him.

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Last night, I did something I shouldn't have done. But at the end I'm glad I did. Because only when the realization has sinked in can one think clearly and not emotionally.

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Still, I know what I'm about to do ain't going to be one easy feat. Mana boleh orang wipe out everything like you format laptop kan? It is never that easy.

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Anyway, for what it's worth this whole thing has been fun and exciting while it lasted.

Remember the "early blessing in disguise" I wrote about yesterday?

Well, just when I decided to let one thing go, another new thing came knocking on my mail inbox.

I got accepted into a postgraduate school.

To You I am very grateful Allah, for blessing my 2010. =)

#2. His quiet demeanor is very attractive actually.

He has a way of speaking teramatla perlahan.

Mumbling...a mumbler... Haha...

He doesn't really talk much. If it weren't for the fact that he would make the most loyar buruk punya lawak or comment when one least expected it, I would have pegged him for the silent, brooding type.

Which are the kind of guys I'm such a sucker for. Haha.

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Currently am toying with one particular decision relating to this whole whirlwind mess.

Of course, once the decision is made, executing it might be a lot harder than it looks.

Surprisingly enough I got myself an early blessing in disguise.

For now, I just want to be Happy.


I have overdosed myself with Leona Lewis's song titled Happy.
Felt like I could really relate myself with that track.

#3. On the very first day he asked "Pernah buat double tape tak?".

Obviously la tak pernah...kan baru my first day...

He showed me how to use the tape dispenser.

Then he handed it to me to give it a try.

Belum ape-ape hal dah drop-kan benda tu.

And he laughed.

That's me. Always making a fool of myself in front of him.

#4. He would make the lamest of jokes.

But I'd still laugh anyway.

It'd be nice if he could joke around like that with me. ;p

Kadang-kadang I wonder, am I making him feel uncomfortable?

Am not really sure how I would handle Wednesday morning.

I think I'm ready.

To let it go.

Ye ke???

Nanti orang tu lalu depan mata, you kena relapse balik from the old syndrome.

L.O.L!

#5. He was nicer then compared to now.

Which I swear to God I'm not even sure why.

It could be I overthink too much.

There was a period where everything yang I buat macam tak kena je dengan dia.

He wouldn't snap at you nor would he bite your head off. He'd just wear his signature blank look.

The karma was so effin' bad to a point where I silently prayed not to have deal with him anymore.

Funnily enough, karma jadi okay la pulak a few weeks after that.

So much for no longer wanting to deal with him...

#6. His laughter can be very distracting.

The very first time I heard him laughing, I find it to be very annoyingly fascinating.

The second time I heard it, I had to buat balik the task I was doing at that time.

Distracted much?

Let's assess the situation at hand here alright?

A. I could either enjoy this thing while it lasts.

or

B. I could put an end to it now and save myself all the trouble that's bound to come later.

Sometimes I wonder...had I waited just one more day, would it have made any difference?

I'm speaking in riddles. And it's starting piss some of my close friends. Haha.

#7. The way he would always come when I needed "assistance".

Dulu la... Now orang lain pulak yang datang.

And I can no longer ask for assistance.

"Paging for assistance to office" ?

Sebab ape? Copier machine ran out of paper? Printer dah habis ink? Or I misplaced the stapler?

Hah, mau kena ketuk kat kepala free je...

Sometimes I wish I could be the one manning the cash register.

Just to have him come to the "rescue".

I like playing the damsel-in-distress part.

LOL! Banyak sangat lorat la...

#8. Dia panggil. Saya jawab. Dia tanya soalan. And I'll go "Hah?".

Obvious sangat I can't seem to concentrate... I swear I could see his mouth forming some sort of sentence but my head macam fail nak function.

It's like being starstruck, only better.

Or it could be because he speaks teramat la perlahan. Haha.

Remember when I said I'm treading on dangerous grounds? Now I'm digging my own 6 feet grave hole.

I'm so screwed.

In movies, when the girl gets way over her head, her best friend is standing ready by the side to slap her back into reality.

Any volunteers anyone? Because I really need to get back down to planet earth. ;p

#9. The way he stares when I screw something up.

Can't decide whether he thinks I'm an utter moron or he's probably thinking "Why la do I have to put up with this kid..."

From his expression (selalunye satu je la his facial expression), you can never tell what is actually going on in his mind. I find that intriguing. Haha.

I can't seem to shake away the "bersalah" feeling though.

Guilt could eat you alive.

I honestly need help.

Will you help me God?

Don't be alarmed if he takes you by the arm.

Let's see if I could last for eight nine days...

Pfft! I'm talking nonsense la lately ni...

Elok-elok takde pasal pergi cari pasal...

Then again Lenka did say "trouble is a friend".

And I definitely am a sucker for his charm.

=)

Let's add another one to the pile.

I think I've been through worse before. Read : 2009 the most challenging year ever.

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Tapi kan....why does it feel like I'm on the verge of breaking down now?

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I read once that apa yang kita suka might not be good for us but apa yang kita tak suka could actually be something that is good for us. Only God knows.

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It's funny how the more you want to spend time with that person, the more distant you get with each other. Or maybe, again, it's one of God's mysterious ways of helping me getting over it.

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Nak sangat jumpa Ain, Amal, Ellina. Teha and Cia pun I miss them dearly. Only with them I can let "everything" go.

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But all of us are crazily busy at the mo. So for now kena la compress everything that's bothering me inside the "big bottle" first.

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Let's hope it does not pop open like a bottle of pressurized champagne now, shall we?

p/s : Cik F.O.S, gracias for the hug last night. I needed it. And I can never thank you enough for always bearing with me and my "kerenah". =)

Meet me halfway will you? No? I guess not...

Somehow I like it when he calls me "Izzaidah".

I'm treading on dangerous grounds here, I know...

Then again, bila lagi nak "cari pasal" macam ni kan... Haha.