Thursday, December 30, 2010

For 2011 I want to fall in love.


If I have to sum up 2010 in one word, it would be "blessed".

Yes there were some hurdles thrown in for me along the way but what is life without challenges? Life gives you a lemon, make a lemonade then.

Last year, on the exact same date, I wrote "For 2010 I want to be braver".

Brave.

Because if you know me, you'd know I'm not a fan of changes. I like my "comfort zone". I was never one to try out new things. Changes scare me. Endings scare me because then I would find myself stumped, not knowing what to do next, how to begin and where to start.

I wrote scare. Not scared. Does that mean I'm still afraid?

I honestly don't know. One can't really change within a year.

But if there's one thing 2010 has taught me, it's that in each girl there has always been this thing called courage. She won't realize it's there until there's no other choice left but to face whatever it is life dealt her with a deep breath, head held high and enough faith in her heart to know that Allah would never burden her with something that is beyond her capabilities.

Through work I found out that big responsibilities that are entrusted to you, though heavy and scary, only mean people actually believe you can get the job done right. I also learned how truthful it is that it does not feel like work if you love what you do.

2010 is the year I met many new people. It kind of comes with the job description. Along the way new friendships are forged. This is also the year where I realized it is super important to have a strong support system in the name of best friends and that opening the heart to crushes or *coughs*feelings*coughs*, while can be risky and messy, offers you free shots of endorphin and put ridiculously dopey smiles on the face to last the whole day.

Through study and school I discovered that there is nothing my parents would not provide for me. Which is why for next year, I want to fall in love with studying again (Hence the picture above). Now I know that sounds far-fetched, but I was once in love with school and studying. I want to get excited about challenging myself intellectually, to be 100% passionate about everything that I'm learning. I just need to get my "mojo" back. Haha. Or maybe I should ask my cousin how she does it. Except for community medicine, she seems to love everything there is about her studies.

There are also a splatter of other random events that happened this year. Some I love and was humbly grateful that it happened, others though at first I didn't understand why they happened, after a while (of passive-aggressive rebelling) I managed to see the bigger picture. The end of one thing is the beginning of another. And yes, beginnings can be intimidating but it's what you find along the new "chapter" that is going to colour your life, no?

2011 is all about Natasha Beddingfield's Unwritten. I want to love everything that I have in my life and be grateful that I even have them in the first place. Family, friends, studies, job, money...heh, okay, I'm joking. Family, I've realized you can't choose them. You just have to love them the way they are and hope that they also love you just as much (this referring to my bratty little sister). Friends, you don't need to have over 1000 Facebook friends. It's okay to have just a handful if that small handful is dependable and hug you when you're sad and laugh with you when you're happy. The kind you call friends for life. And life? I'd say life is all things that you're brave enough to let in and risk the challenge and worth giving a damn about. It could be love, it could be a perfect GPA, it could be the career you've always wanted, it could be friends who you know will always have your back.

And it's not just "sunshine and daisies" you know. Fear, disappointment, failure. One thing I realized is that the bumps in our lives are not there to put us down. They're there to give us the credit we never gave ourselves. That after a fall, we are actually strong enough to stand up again, dust off the dirt and move on. And if we have enough sense of humour, we might even laugh at ourselves for falling down. Okay, lame attempt of trying to lighten things up. I'm stopping now, before this gets way cheesy than it already is. Harhar.

Now, the only reason I could afford playing Dr Phil and do this long a post is because today's a public holiday and my exam that was supposed to be today is rescheduled until further notice. Cheers to that.

This is goodbye then '10. Thank you for being kind to me this year and I can only say Alhamdullillah to Allah for blessing me this generously.

2011, please be good to me too.

Auf wiedersehen friends.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine

Saturday, December 25, 2010

They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot


Some things in life have a way of transporting you right back to your past just when you're ready to dive head first to a new future.

This past week the whole family has been busy packing stuff as we have to move out of our house in Subang tomorrow. So after tomorrow, Jln USJ 9/3K will be a past, Jln Kediaman 1 is currently the present and Jln Seksyen 4/10c shall soon be the future. After all the renovation work is done, that is.

I went through the motion of putting all my stuff in boxes but somehow my mind still can't process and digest everything that was happening around me.

How weird is it that I only have 1 large box of clothes but 4 equally large boxes of books? I know I love books but I didn't count on having them more than clothes.

Wait, does that me I'm a geek? Should I be freaking out?

No...no...no...I think what that means is I'm the beauty with brains.

Care to join me laugh out loud?

Anyway, remember what I said about things from past and diving head first into a new future earlier?

An old Pocahontas story book takes me back to the time when we were in Brunei and Times Bookstore just opened their first outlet there.

A Backstreet Boys cassette brought back memories of the time when I had my friends over at my house because we had this Add Maths project due. I think it was a Kerja Kursus about 'Jambatan Besi'. Can't really remember the details but I do remember my friends Claudia and Ain needed a break from the PC and right at that moment a track by BSB played on my hi-fi. 'If I Don't Have You'. And I remembered Claudia giving us a weird and horrified look as I sang to Nick and Ain sang to A.J.

A box of The O.C stuff (posters, VCDs, novels, a file with Ryan's pic on the front) made me smile as I think back to those days when I was crazily into Ryan Atwood. In that box was also an Aidilfitri card by Amal but she addressed it to Ryan Atwood. I slept, breathed and practically drank The O.C.

A green, hard bound thesis reminded me of all kinds of hurdles I went through for my Bachelor's final year project and when I thought I would never make it to the other side, my scroll proved me otherwise.

Then I came across my empty bottle of Wild Cherries EDT. And another set of emotions overwhelmed me. Somehow that specific scent will always remind me of my workplace because I wore it everyday to work. Only to work and nowhere else though I don't exactly know the reason behind that. Wait...okay, I think I remembered why now...

My point is, just when I think I'm ready for this big change that is soon to be happen, my past is clinging onto me and holding me back. All things about me, all the things (good and bad) that happened to me and all the things that somehow played a part (though small) in making me the person that I am today, all are in that awesome place I called home.

It's a good thing I get to pack all little bits of my "past" and bring them with me to this new "future" home.

I think for me, moving on is going to be harder than moving out.

Tsk tsk...Such a drama queen, I am.

Haha.

Friday, December 24, 2010

It all started with the big BANG!


Am currently obsessed with The Big Bang Theory.

I swear to God I've never laughed this hard while watching a sitcom that even my baby sis gave me a worried look thinking her sister has gone nuts laughing all by herself.

Before this, there were only 2 telly sitcoms I truly ever loved : Everybody Loves Raymond and How I Met Your Mother.

Yes, I was never a fan of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

The Big Bang Theory is so darn good that I'm loving it more than HIMYM. Move over Barney, Raj is my new favourite guy now.

He is frickin' adorable even when he can't speak to women.

Now awaiting for season 2 and 3 from Amal. Please, please, pretty PLEASE Amal, with a Sheldon on top?? ;p

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

"I'd send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address."

Can I have at least 6 months of hiatus from EVERYTHING to catch up on my reading list please?

Yeah, like that will happen.

Forgive me dear mind, for it has been a while since I last indulged you with a good, enriching book.

How I missed those days where I could finish up a book in one day. That was achieved by locking myself up in my room and only going down to the kitchen for a chocolate bar before again isolating myself from the world.

This past year (now that 2010 is nearing to an end), study and work took up all 7 days of my week that I hardly have any time left to do leisure reading. And even when I do find the time to do a quick reading (dapat habiskan satu chapter pun jadilah...) the reasonable side of me would always think, "Bukan patut study and baca all those boring revision books dulu ke?".

Darn it.

But even my conscience can't stop me from buying more books and along the way I find myself building a large collection of unread-but-I-swear-I'm-gonna-read-them-the-minute-I-have-the-time-books

A new addition to the family :

Yes, the box set has finally arrived after months of pestering my former manager to order it for me. Back when I was working with Borders, the month that the 3rd book was finally released I got tons of customers asking me about it. The funny thing was, this trilogy set is actually categorized under "Young Adult" but the people who were inquiring about it were mostly adults. Bila dah jadi macam tu, wajib la google and see what the craze is all about kan?

From what I read, the critics love the trilogy. It's Stephen King approved and Stephenie Meyer also raves about it. (Okay, I know you're not a fan of her Ain but I love her work. I just hate the movie).

MPH also sells the box set retailing at RM74.90 but the books aren't hardcover bounded. Unlike mine. So you can imagine how gleeful I am now right now. Heheh...

I'm also putting some of these items in my book list. Maybe after I'm done with Hunger Games.

I am among the thousands of die hard fans of Sophie Kinsella. I now only have to wait (patiently) for the small, paperback version to be released (nanti tak lawa kalau susun dalam almari if I get the currently large size). Her books always have me in fits of laughter. Plus they're mostly easy reads.


The first book has been adapted into a TV series. In case you don't know, I'm a sucker for grand, epic and historical tales. Think King Arthur, Alexander and the likes of LOTR. Although I gave up on Frodo and his merry men after they gave me a throbbing pain in the head. I'm sticking to the movie version for now. I do hope Follett's books are not as difficult to understand as Tolkien's.

As for now, my consicence says I should not even sneak a peek at the box set because I still have not taken my final exams due to the chicken pox episode. So selagi tak sit for both papers that I was exempted from, I should only read my thick, boring but very informative revision books.

Crap. This is going to be a challenge.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Are the things that make you panic?


If it's a broken part, replace it
If it’s a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Bring back what once was mine


Some people prefer DreamWorks than Disney.

Me? I've always have a soft spot for Disney since my mother first bought me videotapes of Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella. Yes, we're talking way back then when VCR and bulky tapes were the staple of home entertainment.

Tangled has made me a happy girl again.

Friday, December 03, 2010

If it's love

Overqualified and underpaid.

But I loved every minute of it nonetheless.

They say if you love what you do, it does not feel like work.

As of today, at 4-something in the afternoon, after 11 months of self-discovery, patience-testing and fun-sharing-moments-with-awesome-friends-that-I'll-never-trade-anything-with, I bid my "playground" goodbye.


But before that....


To you, for always being there for me with chocolates and hugs. For tolerating me and my ngada2 punye kerenah with always a cheerful smile. For debik-ing some sense in me when I needed to be debik-ed. Most of all, for listening. For giving a damn. Thank you. And I apologize (again) for the one time I was disrespectful towards you. I am not proud of it.


To you, who at times can really make me shake my head and laugh just at the sight of you and your gelabah landak poyoness. I'll always remember your pearl of wisdom, "Belum malam sudah bermimpi".


To you, who despite of what everybody said, were kind enough to me and were always looking out for my best interest.


To you, for your selamba-ness and making things a breeze for me and my work. Hands down you are definitely one cool superior with your plaid pants, tattoo and a scrunchie on your head.


To you, for being a kind big brother to your mui chai. The kindest and most optimistic guy I've ever met in my entire life.


To you, for being my guru slash trainer. For teaching me all that I needed to know and more. For entrusting me with responsibilities.


To you, for being my cashier mentor and one of my first friends there. Sorry I'm not a huge Manga fan. May life always treat you well.


To you, for being the one old-soul dude I can always bully. They might call you a nerd, but just so you know, nerds are totally in this year. ;p


To you, for being a nice kakak to me. For not thinking of me badly even when you could have. Instead you guided me and helped me in times of need when I've no one to ask for help.


To you, the one with "Trouble Is A Friend". For giving me something to look forward to at work everyday. I love it when you smile and I like it when you wear those brown khakis.


Also not forgetting to you, the one uncle who was one of the first few people who was nice to me.


So....untuk kamu-kamu semua di atas tu, thank you for making me love even more what I do.


I am truly blessed beyond measure.


Thursday, December 02, 2010

Loving you is like food to my soul

I'm vain enough I guess to actually cry when I look at myself in the mirror...

"Sakit itu penghapus dosa" is what they say.

Because I don't have the guts to look in the mirror when applying the Calamine lotion on my face, my mother is currently the one who gets to do the messy job.

One week has passed and still she's the one applying the lotion onto my face every night.

And earlier this evening I asked her the million dollar question I've been wanting to ask while she was dabbing more lotion on me.

"Mama tak geli ke tengok muka along?"

What she responded, while it was predictable, I knew it was genuine from her heart and not some excessively-sugar-coated-answer that was meant to spare my feelings.

*

*

*

*

*

May this be a reminder dear Self, if you ever think of making her sad in the future.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

We'll be alright

We're young, awesome, gorgeous, intelligent and independant women.

We, well YOU don't need any self-absorbed dude who thinks the world revolves around him only.

This is for you.

Hang in there.



Random : I 'm starting to think Travie's a hot guy la. Dahla dia tinggi. L.O.L!

Monday, November 22, 2010

I saw the teardrops, and I heard you cry

She probably would have asked God for tomorrow not to go ok. She would probably have asked it because she was broken hearted. Because she was really sad and couldn't take it anymore.

That's why she said those things.

Emotions probably got in her way.

I asked God differently.

Because I still need her. Though I rarely tell her that.

A friend once told me I'm an emotional closet. I can't remember whether that was the correct term but I somehow get what she was saying at that time.

The other thing I detest next to rude people is crying in front of an audience.

Don't want the audience to think I'm weak.

Then again, who does, right?

But the other thing is because you can't have 2 people crying in your pity party.

Kalau dua-dua sedih, one of them has to be a bit more stronger. Yang kuat tu kena keep things in control, keep everything in check. Not let emotion get in the way of things.

Until the person has finally found the time and opportunity to lari sekejap somewhere alone and let the emotions take over.

But selagi tak jumpa the perfect time and place, you have to be the strong one. The one that will say "I'm going to fix this."

This is not some sort of martyr act. It's common sense.

Now nothing scares me more after the haunting image I witnessed earlier.

I'm going to remember that the next time I ever think of trying to break her heart.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Tell me when you hear my silence

Being melancholy and moody is starting to tire me.

I overthink. About stuff. It tires me.

Growing up has thought me to put all the thoughts away, in a box and bury them somewhere in the back of my mind.

Until the time comes for me to sort them out.

Moving on to another, completely different topic : They say the end of one chapter is the begining of another, right?

Might as well make this new chapter interesting and a fun one.

I'm going to get twinkle lights for my new bedroom.



Monday, November 08, 2010

No one ever said it would be this hard...


October was not easy.

Two things that mattered to me I had to let go last month.

Turtles have their own shell that they can hide in. Me, I hide in my brain. My thoughts.
Going into hiding comes with a price. Spacing out.

I space out a lot these days. But tak la lama sangat kot sebab there's always someone to bring me down back to planet earth.

Sometimes I'd space out in class only to be brought back to earth by my professor who "conveniently" wants me to solve a question using Halstead's Method. Other times I would space out during work only to be jolted back to reality by a customer who wants to pay for her book but all I oculd do was stare at her credit card. And one time I spaced out while driving only to realize that the car in front of me has stopped. I almost crashed into the Kancil but hey, brain sempat function balik just in time to hit the brakes. So no harm there.

October in a nutshell (actually more than one nutshell but what the heck...)

1) I know it's not going to be easy. Then again I wasn't expecting it to be THAT hard either. Tapi I think the reverse psychology method is working.

2) They say change is good. I don't get it. What's so great about change? It only means you have to adapt to something different pulak.

3) I can't be angry. I just can't. But I'm human. All these frustrations, sampai bila nak kena keep inside? Then again, when all fails, there's always my passive-aggresive method.

4) Are you mad at me? Sampai macam tu sekali? Now I'm at loss as to what I'm supposed to do to make it right.

5) I like to think that I'm not a cynic kind of person. But the more I grow up, the more jaded my viewpoints on life become. And that scares me.

6) What if I'm scared to feel like that again? To go through it all over again, it's mentally challenging and emotionally draining. The whole "it's better to have felt losing than never feeling anything at all" is a concept I can never grasp.

7) "We all have people in our lives, some of them good, some of them bad but they shape us." ~Derek Morgan~

8) Difficult , heartbreak, pressure, confuse, denial, breakdown, tiring, losing, friend, sadness, passive-aggresive, Coldplay.

Okay, so the last part is a bit out of place. But nobody does slow and *coughs* depressed *coughs* better than Coldplay.

I've always think I relate easier to songs than anything else. And when words get in the way, all I can offer you is a song. Understand it, and you'll probably get a clear picture of what I had to go through, what I still am going through.


When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you



The Scientist --> Fix You --> In My Place. All three in a loop that currently show no signs of stopping. Maybe later, when I'm done with my "melancholy" mood. (I'm borrowing your word eh friend...)


Memo :

1) The previous post, the one on "Terrified", it wasn't about a guy. It wasn't even about Voldemort. I Just thought it was a cool song sebab Zachary Levy sang in it. So we're clear eh Amal?

2) Anyone care to fix me?

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Truthful words.


You said it again my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love
And I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only life

Monday, October 18, 2010

Uh oh, what will we borrow now, and pay back somehow?

"How is like different from love?"

Like - 1 to be fond of ; 2 to enjoy

Love - 1 strong feeling of affection ; 2 a great interest and pleasure in something

[Cited from Oxford Student's dictionary Of Current English for KBSM]

Macam tak membantu je explanation tu...

Often in movies when things don't work out between a couple, either the guy or the girl would deliver these lines which are in the top 5 of cliche lines:

"I love you but I'm not in love with you"

A classic favourite :

"It's not you, it's me"


I think I want to change my cliche line. Don't worry, it will not involve any poor dude in the receiving end.

"I like love chocolate, but I love am in love with dark chocolate."


Just like ending a relationship, finishing a chocolate is also messy. But the pros of "ending" it with a chocolate, especially Toblerone's dark chocolate, is you get to lick the mess off your fingers. Can't say the same about the former one now can we?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Cause two can keep a secret if one of them is dead


Oh dear.

The cat is out of the bag. (No pun intended to a certain someone who speaks kitty language)

I could be screwed.

I don't see the point of making this blog private and accessible to only the selected few.

Why put them through all the hassle eyh?

I probably shouldn't have turned this blog into a place where I unleash my deepest, darkest secret no?

Then again, I didn't count on having readers outside of my "inner and most close" social circle.

So, if you know you were never part of my inner circle (and really, there's not a lot of them because these are the people who've been with me through thick and thin), think you could keep the content of this blog a secret?

Because it's not yours to tell.

Is this a personal plea? No.

Just a gentle reminder of common courtesy.

Monday, October 04, 2010

For those days we felt like a mistake

I love Brent Kutzle.



P.s : May God bless you on your special day today Sir Voldemort.

*Me and my ego. Haih....*

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Wish I didn't know the meaning of...


Paranoid and in fear is what I've been feeling this past couple of weeks.

Dia tau ke? I don't think dia tau. But why do I get the feeling like dia dah tau and dia rasa, "I feel sorry for this kid." Or "What was she thinking? Now I really need to stay away from her".

Or maybe dia tak tau pun. Clearly there are a lot more important stuff dia boleh buat and dia kena buat. So I don't think dia tau.I mean, not a lot of people know. And really, bukan semua orang tau the existence of this blog.

But what if dia dapat tau? What if a person who reads another person's blog and that person happens to have the link of my blog and the first person who's reading the second person's blog now also reads my blog? And what if dia bagitau kawan dia and oh, I don't know...this person decides to check out my blog and finds out this thing that the person wasn't supposed to find out?

God, I hate being paranoid.

I swear if that person finds out...and if I don't die of embarrassment then and there I would.....

Geez, I don't even know what I would do...

Even thinking about it happening already gives me the chills.

Okay, moving on to a less nerve-wrecking topic.

3 more months to go dear self. I think one of these day I need to do a reflection on all the things that have happened this year.

I think I took a lot of chances this year.

Last year it was No Boundaries by Kris Allen. Cringe or snide all you want but I was going through a tough time last year. It was my go-to song.

This year it was (still is till then end of 2010) Remember The Name by Fort Minor.

Want to know a secret weapon of mine?

It's what I tell myself every time I'm afraid of taking a risk or starting a new challenge (because I'm more of a routine person who's terrified of new beginnings and taking risks).

"Meet challenges with courage".

Friday, September 17, 2010

Dear, I fear we're facing a problem...

Just go already.

Penat la...

Sometimes, you are your own worst enemy.

See, one part nak rasa macam ni but reason says otherwise.

It's a whole lot easier listening to your reason rather than your emotion. You'll be safe. Always dalam comfort zone. Not a single chance of you getting....I can't believe I'm saying this....here goes nothing...

Hurt.

In reality it's more fun feeling with your emotion rather than your reason. Boleh rasa macam-macam benda yang tak pernah rasa sebelum ni. However you open yourself up to letting some things hurt you. Sebab when you're that happy, for a moment you ter-let your guard down.

Again I'm spewing crap here.

I am moving forward, I have to move forward. But I'm running out of reason not to look back.

Tolong la, just go already.



Sunday, August 22, 2010

Does he sing to all your favourite music?

Theme song Doraemon tak dikira.

LOL. Okay, that was random (not!).

I am overdosing myself (a term repeatedly used in this blog whenever I'm addicted to a new song and I'll replay that song over and over and OVER again in my iPod) with "Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars.

And somehow I find myself being in love again with an old, favourite but forgotten song. I first heard it a few months back, can't really remember when.

"Like We Used To" by A Rocket To The Moon.

Sangat suka with the lyrics though they're kind of menyedihkan punya lirik.

Because the dude really loved the girl.


See, another reason why I love this video is because in the end, he got over her.

A personal reminder to self la ni kirenye...

Sunday, August 15, 2010

I am "Unwritten".

What I need is a distraction.

I have to busy myself with work (both studies and kerja) and always surround myself with friends. For their laughter would be a constant reminder of how blessed I am to still have them in my life.

And I will laugh along with them. For it'll make the troubles go away.

And during that moment, even just for a second, I know I'm going to be okay.

To kamu-kamu semua (besties, colleague and sister), I don't think I can find the right words to describe how I really feel about all the things you people have done for me to get through this. Be it a blog post, a wall post, a lengthy private message, a comforting hug or even the simplest of act of lending an ear to listen. "Thank You" would be an understatement.

Know that I love each and every one of you. That's the best I can say.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

"Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back."

That is according to Florence & The Machine.

Another one that people always use is "It was like a bullet through the chest."

Can't really imagine the pain since I was never shot in the chest before.

Tapi what I felt tadi was nothing like I ever experienced before. Not even when with budak koperasi.

In shock.

Nak call my cousin, she's already asleep.

Tried calling Cik F.O.S, she didn't pick up for the first 20 minutes or so.

Desperate sangat sampai sent her a pleading text to pick up the phone.

Ellina pulak jauh sangat kat India and I can't afford an international call.

But I have to unload it off to someone.

Then I asked my sister for a favour.

"Can you give along a hug but not ask what is wrong?".

And she did. An A plus sister, she is.

Ten minutes later baru dapat a call from Farihna.

Thanks.

I needed it.

I'm sorry for being this pathetic. I'm just a human being after all.

By the way, Selamat Ramadhan to all.

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Lloro Por Ti.

Lloro pronounced as "jo-ro".

Means "I Cry For You".

I love Spanish. I love it even more when Enrique Iglesias sings in Spanish. Can make a girl sigh in content just by listening to him. Hahaha, okkaayyy...dah over dah. But seriously, one of the things I want to do in life is to learn Spanish.

Malay, English, basic German and some broken Cantonese (self taught from those days when I was madly in love with Ekin Cheng).

Sangat suka belajar language.

On a random note, this week I had to give up something that I enjoy doing in order to do another thing I like doing. Orang cakap too much of something you enjoy pun ain't exactly good for your health.

Like say for instance you wanted to take a break from, oh I don't know...chocolates(??). But somehow the cosmic has its own twisted plan whereby just before the day you supposedly nak "berpuasa" from chocolates, semua orang pun nak offer you chocolate.

Am I making sense here? No I'm not. Sangat la tak articulate with words for someone who claims she loves languages so much.

Pandai mengarut je lebih. Hey, if gibberish is considered as a language, hands down I would be the star student.

On a more random note, I actually like being a part-timer. Especially when I get to *coughs*page*coughs* someone for assistance.

Dear friends who happen to know what I'm babbling about, now would be a good time as any to knock me hard in the head.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

From Meyer to Coelho.

It is getting even more busy. I was going to use hectic but that sounds a bit overly dramatic.

And my second annual batuk-selsema-sakit tekak came last Saturday. Every year I akan kena twice. How do I know? 3 years in a row dah kena dah. Once during the earlier part of the year and the second one would usually be following in the middle part of the year.

Took 15ml of cough syrup and in less than 15 minutes I was knocked dead. Figuratively speaking of course.

School work is piling. Part-time work is also piling.

No longer am I the guardian for the children's section. Am taking care of the "Mind, Body, Spirit" and "Travel" section now.

As for school work, I've to get 2 mini projects done by the middle of August and at the same time I still have to figure out a topic for my research paper. The title is due this Friday.

This is going to sound kooky but I actually love my busy life. Makes me feel all grown up. Haha.

But just to keep myself in check with reality, I need to stop and take a breather.

Saya tak nak la lose control of everything pulak kan???

**Inception was awesome. 3 of my favourite indie actors were in it. I knew ada Joseph Levitt and Cillian Murphy but then I saw Lukas Haas and I was like "No effing way!". Too bad they cut his character short. And Ellen Page definitely held her own amongst all the male lead.**

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

That was what Shakespeare said. Which I only came to know after watching another rerun episode of Criminal Minds. Spencer Reid I LOVE YOU. Haha.

On the way home in the car with my parents, while listening to them talk about the most random-est (ade ke perkataan macam tu?) of things, tiba-tiba I dapat an epiphany.

I can't afford to screw it. Not to them. Not after all the things they've done for me.

I will not screw my studies.
I will not screw my work.
I will not screw myself. (this meaning, from now on I'm going to do all the things that make me happy, not anyone else).

Of course right now, the 2 things that absolutely give me utter bliss are my studies and my work.

For the first time in such a long, long time, I feel like I've everything under control in my life.

The only thing left to do is to rid myself from all those petty distractions yang currently bukan first priority in my life.

At the same time nak betulkan balik karma la.

I say "Be kind to your mother, be kind to your father, be kind to your sister, be kind to your brother before being kind to anybody else."

Friday, July 09, 2010

Cloudy, with 50% chance of rain...

50-50 was what I kept repeating to myself.

Though tak terlalu berharap la kan...

Even convinced thy self that it has to be avoided at all cost.

But of course life usually has other plans for you. (Haha, melodramatic much?)

Bila kita tak berharap sangat dia jadi la. Vice versa.

I should thank you, God, for today.

With a smile like that, one could really forget why one was there in the first place.

Saturday, July 03, 2010

"You broke my Birkin!!"

New handbags have a way of making a girl feel like she's in love. She would feel happy, content and for a week or so nothing can rain on her parade.

For those who are close to me, they would know that I'm passionately in love with bags. I can make do without shoes, just not bags. And although one of my 2010 resolutions is to not buy more handbags (mind you, it is darn hard to refrain myself from buying a new bag each month especially when I do actually have the $$-$$ to splurge this year with the part-time job and all) I found myself succumbing to my weak self this week.

Black studded handbag and a red patent purse, both by Charles and Keith.

And as I was passing by Dorothy Perkins, another bag caught my attention. A quilted, cream coloured, Chanel inspired bag. Okay, so I already have one in black that I got last year but there's no harm in getting one in a different colour. Kan?? Besides, the design is totally different from the one in black.

The day before yesterday, when Amal and I were hanging out in The Gardens Mall, we found out that Coach was doing a clearance sale. 50% off for all handbags. Yes, the big five oh. No joke

Because I'm a student who still lives with her parents, RM1000++ bags are usually out of the question. But 50% off somehow made the impossible seemed possible.

Amal was hyperventilating (I think) as she called her mom and let her know about the sale. She was targeting a pink cute tote bag.

Did I mentioned the bags on sale are all from the Poppy line? When the Poppy collection first came out I could only dream of getting one of the bags someday. I even tore out the ad from one of the magazines.

Unfortunately, the one I've been lusting for, the one I desperately wanted (next to the Gucci Indy bag) was sold out.


No 2 on my bag wish-list


As for Amal, I'm not sure whether she managed to convince her mom to get her the bag or not since she said she'll come back later in the evening with her mom.

Sometimes I wonder to myself, "If only a guy could make me feel this way."

Utter bliss weh... Even Johnny Depp comes second to bags.

Sharing the wisdom of Blair Waldorf, "Whoever said money doesn't buy happiness obviously didn't know where to shop."

As for me, I find happiness in handbag shops.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Move along, move along just to make it through...

I love routines. They help keep me stable. Routines also help me into thinking I've everything under control. And when you have OCPD, control is crucial or chances are, you're going to find yourself suffering from a nervous breakdown.

The thing with people who love routines is they always have a hard time moving on when something has come to an end. And they are always, most of the time, terrified of new beginnings, because it means having to face the fact that things are changing.

I suck at moving on, at saying goodbyes... Sometimes, I simply skip the goodbye part altogether. It's rude to some but I don't think they know just how hard it is for me.

I definitely suck at letting go of the past. Especially when the past is too good a memory to just easily let go of.

I would cling on to it for dear life, if I had it my way.

If I can't, then you could most probably find me in my 3rd house, Denial Land.

New beginnings are supposed to be fun, I know. Don't think I don't.

But I'm just plain scared. That's all.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

If I could melt your heart...

Tomorrow's the day...

Last day weh...

I remembered 6 months ago as I was crossing off Day 1 in my calendar I was thinking to myself "Day 1 down, another 5 months and 29 days to go."

Seriously biar betul dah nak end of June?

To say I'm sad and berat hati nak leave that place is an understatement. I've learned tons for the past 6 months. 6 amazing months I must say.

Want to know something totally and randomly scary? Last weekend I was reading the papers and when I got to the horoscope section (okay, I don't exactly believe in them, berdosa I tau) mine says, "An important cycle in your life is coming to and end....". And some other blah blah blah. Coincidentally true perhaps?

Honestly, I feel scared. And tak tau how to face Sunday evening nanti when it's actually my last shift of work.

Farihna was the first to say goodbye earlier today. My body was doing all the motion but my head macam fail nak process the fact that this is it. It was sad for me sebab rasa macam all the good and bad things that happened between the two of us were replaying in my head. Tapi poker face kenala maintain kan...

Nak lari to denial land sekejap boleh tak?

I want something from him. But I don't know what. Whatever it is that I want, agak-agak will he give it to me on my last day of work nanti?

Pfft! what am I rambling about here???

By the way, am currently overdosing myself with Frozen by Madonna. The song has a way of calming me down. Though the vid has a way of giving me nightmares when I was in my tweens back then.


Friday, June 25, 2010

I love you is that okay?

Okay....I've never done this before... don't actually make it a habit to post in this blog pics and entries that seem very very personal to me.

Then again this year personal entries semua bersepah-sepah kat sini... Kenapa ye agaknya???

I've been blessed with so many great things this year. But one of the few things I knew I've been blessed with dari dulu (like, way dulu lagi) are my best friends.

I miss them... Haila...

I love love love this picture so very much. Nak tau kenapa? Because my two friends look really happy. Plus nampak macam diorang sayang gile kat I in that pic (ye ke???). Haha...

We're reaching almost a "decade" old la... To the next 10 decades perhaps ladies?

I'll sing a song for you guys eh...

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Of World Cup & MasterCard...

World Cup...

It happens once every 4 years.

Sad to say (sad ke?) I'm not a fan. But my dad is rooting for Argentina (he even bought the white-blue jersey) while my kid brother supports France.

Eight years ago, in 2002 when I was 15, I remembered this incident where my mom threw a mild tantrum because my dad refused to take her out to dinner.

Sebab time tu tengah World Cup.

During that one month memang susah la kalau kitorang nak keluar for our weekly family outing.

Then in 2006 I was in university. So I never really knew what happened at home during the 06' World Cup.

For this year, I think my dad made a few *ahem* "persiapan awal" in anticipation of World Cup 2010 fever.

1. He bought a jersey. Kepala macam tak boleh nak comprehend that my dad is actually wearing a jersey. For those who really know my dad, you guys know what I mean.

2. If dulu selalu berebut telly (which usually the guys will win on the basis that WC is once every 4 years and it's only during the one and a half month je diorang nak conquer the telly), this year tak payah nak sorok-sorok the remote dah because my sister and I got another Astro installed in our room. MTV, Star World and E! for me, Disney and Cartoon Network for my sis. (Okay, memang dah lama installed, way before WC, but I'd like to think my dad decided to get us another Astro dish this year solely because come June 2010 he can hog the other telly all to himself.) He even told my sister, "Kalau Ina nak tengok TV depan, lepas pukul 4 pagi baru boleh..." -_-"

3. If back then my mom would sulk because she can't go anywhere for more than a month (they lied when they say WC is over after July. Lepas tu ade the English Premier League pulak. Pfft!), now my dad cakap "Abah hantar mana2 you all nak pegi, bila nak balik give me a call". But there's a catch. We can either ask him to pick us up at 9.30 pm (since there's a match at 10pm) or if nak balik lagi lambat then we'll have to wait till 11 pm. Ehh, nak tolong tutup kedai sekali ke ape??

So today my dad dropped the female clan of Zubi's residence in MidValley before driving back home to catch a match on the telly. The best part, he gave my mom the oh-so-shiney plastic card.

Swiping card never felt this fun. Okay, my mom did most of the swiping.

In the end my sister came home with the most "catch-of-the-day". New bag since Roxy was doing a sale, new shoes, jeans and....I lost track of other things that she bought.

My mom.....well, let's just say she was very much preoccupied in the Home & Living dept of Jusco. At the end of the day she came out with 3 big bags which she defensively told us "Barang ni semua untuk rumah, untuk awak and abah jugak."

Yeah, right. Since when do we need 4 cushions and a table runner? The ones currently at home still looks fine to me je... Tapi takpe ma, along faham... ;)

And me? Niat sebenar I ajak my mother and sister keluar is to buy shoes untuk pegi kelas nanti (I know, classes haven't even started yet but it's always good to prepare early). There's this one shoe shop in Gardens where you can buy 2 pairs of flats at the price of RM100. I've been eyeing them for quite some time truth be told. And I was hoping to get this one jacket I saw in Cleo's magazine. But when I went to Miss Selfridge and asked the salesperson about the jacket, she told me the stock has not been sent to their store yet. Haila....

I felt kind of dejected after that actually. And the sight of my sister with all the things she got was like rubbing salt into an open wound.

Then we passed by a store and this one RED, leather handbag caught my attention. Fake kulit buaya, or ular (don't care that much honestly) but seriously, the red is to die for. Then I asked my mom,

"Kalau nak beli beg untuk kelas kira bawah abah and mama punya expenses tak? It's for my studies..." *inserts pleading eyes like Puss in Shrek*

"Kalau ye boleh bagi Dean's List kat mama ke?"

Like, mesti la boleh. Mama nak dekan tu sendiri pun I can give her to you.

Of course, that was before she saw the price tag. Then she started this long and *coughs* nagging lecture about how during her days dapat masuk U pun dah cukup bagus, pegi kelas bawak beg kain je.

"Handbag takde kena mengena pun dengan study".

Siapa kata?? The perfect red bag plays a crucial part la... Buku banyak nak masuk mana? And I just know the bag will serve me well for my studies nanti...

If my mom could debik me publicly, I think she would have.

Then lalu depan Thomas Sabo. The store is just plain irresistible... My mom rolled her eyes as I pulled her towards the counter and pointed at the red ballet flats charm. Nak tu please...

To which she said "Tadi dah beli kasut untuk kelas. Ni pun untuk pegi kelas jugak?"

Me smiling sheepishly of course.

I begged, made some promises and begged some more. Finally dapat la jugak the shoes.

Funny how I loved the tiny charm shoes more compared to the real flats I just got.

9.30 pm on the dot my dad is already at the front entrance waiting to pick us up.

He eyed the bags in our hands carefully.

You should know better than to give us girls a card and 8 hours of shopping time abah.

Remember the "Priceless" ad by MasterCard? I've a feeling my dad's version would be something like this :

Handbags : RM 380
Shoes on promotion : RM 100
Dinner for 3 : RM 60
Household item (yang kononnye untuk kitorang semua) : RM......wait, mama sorok the receipt.
Thomas Sabo : RM 250
Getting to watch WC w/o wife and 2 daughters bising2 in the background : Priceless.

For me, the envious look on my brother's face when he saw us with the stuff we got is priceless. Haha. Siapa suruh tak ikut...

Next week, strappy red heels at Pedro OU. Kasut Raya. Since I saw the shoes in the magazine, please, please, PLEASE let the stock be there when I come.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Goodbye infatuation, Hello motivation.

Teha asked what made me like the guy. Was it because of his looks or his character?

Then I asked why the question.

She laughed and said it never occured to her that I could like those type of guys.

Type? What type dear? I sendiri pun confuse. Haha.

I liked him for his charms la...

Liked. Just so all my besties know, I'm over it now. So you guys no longer have to worry about me aight? Though I love you guys for caring that much. ;)

Best holiday ever. 2nd June - 5th June. On top of which I found out I got another extra 2 days of holiday.

Thank you Cia & Teha, for the trip. The break from work was very much needed.

And sorry Cia if kitorang camwhore banyak sangat dengan your camera. ;p

Kumpul more $$-$$ for our next vacation to Bali eh?

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Pointing out the obvious.

I didn't notice it before. Okay, boleh rasa la sikit-sikit but I'm good at denying the facts and denial land is sometimes my second home.

Sorry Amal and Ain. Didn't realize I was putting you guys through torture. Haha.

But okay, I will tone it down eh...The last thing I want is for me to create another secret blog filled with screenshots of YM messages between two people.

Haha, joking. Jangan marah eh siapa-siapa yang terasa tu. ;p

But thank you for today.

Funny how sometimes it only takes your best friends to point out the obvious baru diri sendiri nak accept the fact for what it is.

I knew there are months where all the post would be all about it tapi did not realize pulak it was THAT much.

I'm oh-so very allergic to the word j!w@ng. So if your own besties, who sometimes can be the one mirror of truth you know you can't avoid dah cakap "Hey, your blog makin *beep* la..." then you know you're in a deep trouble.

By the way, I love you guys for choosing my side. And for what it's worth, I'll always be on your side too no matter what.

And please jangan la buat aksi paging macam tu lagi next time. ;p

Finally get to lepas rindu seeing my cousin who happens to be teramatla ayu with her new tudung-clad image.

And Ain, we're going to miss you and your snarky, sarcastic attitude when you leave us for Sabah. *Sobs-sobs*.

Twice this week I splurged at Zanmai. Even Amal dapat her infamous "foodgasm". That should be an achievement to me la kan? Since she rarely gets it. LMAO!

Monday, May 17, 2010

And I don't want the world to see me.

Cause I don't think that they'd understand.

I'm done.

For now.

And yes Fida, the quote is for you. ;)

I feel like posting 5 random musings.

1. The more someone trusts you, the more they expect of you. And they'll load you with more responsibility.

2. As you sow, so shall you reap. I finally understood what the idiom meant.

3. Ignorance is seriously bliss. Because sometimes there are things that you wish you had never found out in the first place.

4. The previous post, that was a relapse. Sorry.

5. Don't think you've got me all figured out when you have never lived my life.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

When I saw you standing there.

The other day he wore a pair of khakis.

I swear rasa macam head over heels balik.

It's only been a week or so ehh?

Low self restrain, this much I can say about myself.

It is so much harder than it looks.

Then again, nobody said it was going to be easy.

You were supposed to make this easy for me. I dunno, marah ke, yell at me ke....

Makan masa, saya tau. Everything takes time.

Kalau ada butang, dah lama dah saya switch off terus je.

Anyway, this is for a dear friend of mine, whom hari tu were talking about taking risks.

Quote taken from my favourite heroin of all time, Kathleen Kelly portrayed by Meg Ryan.


"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave?" (You've Got Mail, 1998).

Indifferent. Focus only on that and you'll be fine. (Pep talk to self.)


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Hey soul sister...

Last week I finally dapat makan the lemon meringue pie I've been craving for since last year.

Ye, memang boleh buat sendiri tapi seriously can't find the time to do it nor do I've any idea how to do it.

Dapat makan the meringue pie pun by pure coincidence actually. A friend of mine, who she herself at that time was craving for a dish of seafood pasta decided that we should have lunch at this place called Delicious. Haha, perasan weh namakan your restaurant with that name.

Anyway, she got her pasta and I got my pie. Seriously it was darn hard for me to find any pie resembling the lemon meringue before this. Tried searching in Secret Recipe, Baker's Cottage and even Delifrance but to no avail.

I love lunches with girlfriends. Good food, great company.

The best part, she took care of the bill. When asked what was the occasion (My birthday has long past and she already got me a birthday gift. I know it can't be because I've been behaving like a good girl since she has to handle a lot of my lorat-ness at work. Haha), she simply said "Sebab dapat masuk U.M."

Aww...ini yang sayang lebih ni... Haha. Joking. Even without the blue cheese dipping and the pie itself I love love LOVE ya already.

I can never repay your kindness.

Nak treat you lunch in a posh restaurant pun, I'm not that filthy rich yet. Haha.

I can only pray that peace be upon you and may Allah bless you always dear soul sister. ;)

On the same day itself I got a call saying my hummingbird is here. After lunch ape lagi....




My friend told me each charm usually symbolizes a special occasion or mark off something special that happened in the person's life.

Me, I think the charms on the bracelet should be all about the wearer's characteristics. Things that will tell you something about the wearer.

Treble clef is of course for my obvious passion in music.

I is the initial of my name.

Snow flake because selalu berangan nak main snow but Malaysian humid and dry weather menghalang niat. =/

Humming bird as a protest against butterflies. Butterflies are so overrated. Butterfly pendants, butterfly brooches, butterfly rings...it's the association of butterfly and being feminine I guess. Pfft! Baik beli the humming bird.

The pink diamond was chosen by my mom. (After I begged her repetitively to buy me one charm. My money dah habis di-drained obviously). And to her, the one who holds the $$-$$ has the final say. Can't really argue with her on that one can I?

Can I have four more charms please?

A pair of red ballet shoes that is oh-so-darn-adorable, a red handbag charm (wajib la ada for a handbag aficionado like moi kan...), a diary and a Thomas Sabo medallion with red rubies on it.

That charm itself is worth half of my monthly paycheck.

My boss once told me to marry a Tan Sri, not a Dato. He emphasized on the Tan Sri. Now I understand why. Haih...

Thursday, May 06, 2010

I'm lucky just to linger in your light.

"You'll never reach perfection because there's always room for improvement. Yet along the way to perfection you'll learn to get better." (Versus, 2010).

I RARELY cry over books. Especially ones that are Malay novels. Tapi why am I making the exception for books written by Hlovate eh? (Haiyoo, kantoi betul...)

Moving on to another random topic.....

I think I'm going to be okay. Day 2 was not so bad. (Heh, takde pangkal cerita tiba-tiba terus jump to Day 2)

Although kadang-kadang that "tugging" feeling at hujung hati tu adala rasa sekali-sekala.

Tapi I can now be in the same room with you and not feel as much as I used to before.

On the way to feeling indifferent perhaps?

Or maybe because the end is looming close that I've finally reached my senses?

Still, if given the chance to go through all that again for the second time, I would most probably say yes.

Third time pun yes.

Fourth pun yes.

Because despite it all, you did make me smile.

Uncle Kracker cakap,

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed
Sing like bird
Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night


I'm going to be okay. Been through worse before kan??


=)

Sunday, May 02, 2010

I knew I love you before I met you...

The first time I saw you at Pavillion last year I knew you were trouble. And because I was afraid of approaching you I kept my distance even though my heart longed to get to know you better. Because I knew you spelled TROUBLE.

Then this year in April, I heard that you were coming. God knows how much I anticipated your arrival. Everyday on my way to work I would take the unnecessary route past your place, hoping to catch a glimpse of you.

And then tiba-tiba, on one innocent Monday Morning, while I was on my way to work, when I least expected it, I saw you.

Schmuck! You're here, I thought.

Because no one was around (it was pretty early in the morning) I decided to come closer to you (not that you're aware of it). The closer I got to you, the harder my heart pounded. Never have I been this elated to see you.

Really, I should just turn back and pretend tak nampak anything. Turn back now before it's too late. That was what my head was frantically trying to warn me but somehow my feet weren't listening. My mind was temporarily paralyzed at the sight of you.

Finally I was next to you. So close I could almost reach out and touch you.

All you did was stood there. Lifeless, even. You barely have to do anything and already I am in love with you. The effect that you have on me, I really do hate it sometimes.

You had to come to the Gardens la kan... buat my life tak tenteram kan... Kenapa tak boleh duduk diam-diam je kat Pavillion dulu...

After much staring and gaping, (you of course were totally oblivious to my presence) I had to pull myself away from you.

That evening after work, after much encouragement from my two friends, we (yeah, they tagged along for moral support) decided that we should...*ahem* berkenal-kenalan.

It turned out okay. The first ever, face-to-face meeting. I didn't stutter when talking and even my friends approved of you.

On my way home, all I could think of was you. Even though the meeting was short, there was definitely a connection. I felt it, and you felt it too.

Finally last Wednesday, I decided to take this 'thing' that we have here to the next level.

Thus began our love affair. Why is it an affair? Because I know my parents will never approve of you. They would say you're nothing but trouble for me. That when I'm around you I can't seem to think straight. How can I think clearly when you make me that happy?? Happy does not even do justice to describe the feeling I get whenever you're around me. You're even better than dark chocolate. I like chocolate. But I love dark chocolate... So yeah, you do the math...

I don't really know for how long this relationship will last. Like all "star-crossed" lovers yang hubungannye dihalang oleh parents, sacrifices need to be made for us to work this in the long run. No pain, no gain kan...

Although kadang-kadang pain la jugak kan when I'm the only one making all the sacrifices. I'm the one who's always giving while you're the one who's always receiving.

But because I really really REALLY love you Thomas Sabo, I don't mind. I'll keep giving you my $$-$$, you just keep on showering me with you 'charm(s)'. Heh, pun intended.

3 5 (just added another 2 as of this evening) down, 13 more to go.



*Random : Thomas Sabo is from German. Awesomeness kan?? Did I mention I used to take German in university?*

*Seriously jatuh cinta dengan that kedai weh... And seriously dah pokai sekarang... =/ *

*Amal, nanti will post the pic eh.. They had to order the hummingbird charm I wanted since it ran out of stock. Pfft!*

Friday, April 30, 2010

And after all, you're my wonderwall...

To me, you are my "Trouble Is A Friend".

To Ina, you're my "Today Was A Fairy Tale".

To Farihna, you're my "Neopolitan Dreams".

* A totally irrelevant and tak masuk akal punya post. Please ignore it thank you *

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

All I want to do is be more like me and be less like you.

You said things will be okay.

It's not.

You told me it won't change anything.

But I feel like it has.

And now I feel like I've to adapt to the changes.

I have to pretend that it does not bother me when actually it's bugging me inside.

And simply because of that I cepat terasa. I get defensive. And I start to become the one person I absolutely hate to become.

I'm trying here, I really am.

The last thing I want to do is appear weak and vulnerable.

But if you keep on jabbing me, then what do you think will happen?

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Today was a fairy tale.

And no I did not wear a dress.
But someone did wore a dark grey t-shirt.
Wait, it could've been black..
Rabun and yet I refuse to wear my glasses.

Okay, have to stop mengarut now.

This is what happens when you are overdosing yourself with Taylor Swift. Haha.

Had a conversation with my friend last night.

She helped me view things in a totally different perspective.

The thing is, when I was a teenager I knew (and planned) that when I grow up I might need to see a certified shrink.

Crazy as it may sound, I've my own reasons.

Then hari tu I found out she studied psychology in university.

Dah jumpa dah my shrink. ;p

Have to ask her how much will she be charging me per hour. LOL!

Friday, April 02, 2010

Here's a song for the nights I think too much

And all that I want is to be around friends and the people that I like.

Exception is made of course for Amal, Miss Suze and Sarah. Only tomorrow will I get to see them.

I feel blessed. You probably have heard that a thousand times already. But I really do feel that way.

First wish was from my brother. (LOL! bilik sebelah je tapi nak jugak text. Lorat betul.)

Then got a sloppy kiss from my annoying-but-I-can't-live-without-her kid sister.

A special phone call from Jien all the way from India. Thank you Elle. Come September nanti we go jalan2 together okay?

At work got a hug first from Sabrina (Yeay!) then another one from Farihna (double Yeay!). I love you guys for making my days there tolerable and fun-filled. =)

A cake and a donut (which I terlupa nak makan and is still in the refrigerator) from my madam supervisor. It better still be there when I come in tomorrow. LOL!

2 people serenaded me although dua2 pun tone deaf. Haha. Jangan diorang baca blog ni sudah.

And texts. Lots and lots of texts. Glad to know I've you people as my friends. =)

The big kicker : He made my day when he wished me too.

Naturally I terlupa terus la kan about the task I was currently doing at hand. And for the first 2 hours after that had to senyum sorang2. Screwed enough miss?

I could either :

1. Thank someone for leaking about it when I told her specifically I wanted it to be only low key.
It did made my day after all kan?? ;p

2. Debik her for not helping me at all. It's not helping la!!! Now I'm distracted and terlencong from my main objective of the month.

At the end of the day, it was a good 2nd April. Best 2nd April perhaps? Haha...

Quoting Amal : A year older, a year wiser but still young at heart.

Welcome 23. May you treat me with kind this year.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

I left my head and my heart on the dance floor.

Lately I've been craving for a berry.

Well, it has always been on my wish list cuma never really got the chance to realize it yet. Haha.

Blueberry, blackberry, raspberry, strawberry?

I can either resist the urge or splurge on next month's salary.

Hailo....need help la with my compulsive shopping.

And I still haven't found the oxfords I wanted since last January.

Saw 2 amazing pairs in Gardens. We are talking black, shine-y, patent and to die for oxfords here.

One was RM 399. (Hah, in my dreams la). The second one lagi la tak masuk akal. It was RM 899. -_-"

Thankfully I'm no huge shoe-addict.

You should never spend that much on shoes. Unless they're by Jimmy Choos.

Heh, it rhymed...

Okay, waking up early on a Sunday morning is not doing me any good.

Will stop mengarut-ing now before it gets worse.

I want to sleep. I need to sleep. Tapi can't seem to fall back to sleep la after waking up at 6++ tadi. Pfft!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

#1. And when he smiles I just have to look twice.

Or sengih, more like it.

Even that I find darn adorable.

This is bad for me...it really is...

It's affecting my sane and stable side of mind.

Which is why I've made a decision that I'm done with it.

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Can I treat these past 9 days as a detox or rehab program?? -cue for Rehab by Amy Winehouse-

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The thing is, it's a lot easier executing the plan with him not even around to begin with.

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Nanti besok pagi-pagi lagi dah suffer from relapse at the first sight of him.

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Last night, I did something I shouldn't have done. But at the end I'm glad I did. Because only when the realization has sinked in can one think clearly and not emotionally.

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Still, I know what I'm about to do ain't going to be one easy feat. Mana boleh orang wipe out everything like you format laptop kan? It is never that easy.

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Anyway, for what it's worth this whole thing has been fun and exciting while it lasted.

Remember the "early blessing in disguise" I wrote about yesterday?

Well, just when I decided to let one thing go, another new thing came knocking on my mail inbox.

I got accepted into a postgraduate school.

To You I am very grateful Allah, for blessing my 2010. =)

Monday, March 22, 2010

#2. His quiet demeanor is very attractive actually.

He has a way of speaking teramatla perlahan.

Mumbling...a mumbler... Haha...

He doesn't really talk much. If it weren't for the fact that he would make the most loyar buruk punya lawak or comment when one least expected it, I would have pegged him for the silent, brooding type.

Which are the kind of guys I'm such a sucker for. Haha.

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Currently am toying with one particular decision relating to this whole whirlwind mess.

Of course, once the decision is made, executing it might be a lot harder than it looks.

Surprisingly enough I got myself an early blessing in disguise.

For now, I just want to be Happy.


I have overdosed myself with Leona Lewis's song titled Happy.
Felt like I could really relate myself with that track.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

#3. On the very first day he asked "Pernah buat double tape tak?".

Obviously la tak pernah...kan baru my first day...

He showed me how to use the tape dispenser.

Then he handed it to me to give it a try.

Belum ape-ape hal dah drop-kan benda tu.

And he laughed.

That's me. Always making a fool of myself in front of him.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

#4. He would make the lamest of jokes.

But I'd still laugh anyway.

It'd be nice if he could joke around like that with me. ;p

Kadang-kadang I wonder, am I making him feel uncomfortable?

Am not really sure how I would handle Wednesday morning.

I think I'm ready.

To let it go.

Ye ke???

Nanti orang tu lalu depan mata, you kena relapse balik from the old syndrome.

L.O.L!

Friday, March 19, 2010

#5. He was nicer then compared to now.

Which I swear to God I'm not even sure why.

It could be I overthink too much.

There was a period where everything yang I buat macam tak kena je dengan dia.

He wouldn't snap at you nor would he bite your head off. He'd just wear his signature blank look.

The karma was so effin' bad to a point where I silently prayed not to have deal with him anymore.

Funnily enough, karma jadi okay la pulak a few weeks after that.

So much for no longer wanting to deal with him...

Thursday, March 18, 2010

#6. His laughter can be very distracting.

The very first time I heard him laughing, I find it to be very annoyingly fascinating.

The second time I heard it, I had to buat balik the task I was doing at that time.

Distracted much?

Let's assess the situation at hand here alright?

A. I could either enjoy this thing while it lasts.
or
B. I could put an end to it now and save myself all the trouble that's bound to come later.


Sometimes I wonder...had I waited just one more day, would it have made any difference?

I'm speaking in riddles. And it's starting piss some of my close friends. Haha.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

#7. The way he would always come when I needed "assistance".

Dulu la... Now orang lain pulak yang datang.

And I can no longer ask for assistance.

"Paging for assistance to office" ?

Sebab ape? Copier machine ran out of paper? Printer dah habis ink? Or I misplaced the stapler?

Hah, mau kena ketuk kat kepala free je...

Sometimes I wish I could be the one manning the cash register.

Just to have him come to the "rescue".

I like playing the damsel-in-distress part.

LOL! Banyak sangat lorat la...

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

#8. Dia panggil. Saya jawab. Dia tanya soalan. And I'll go "Hah?".

Obvious sangat I can't seem to concentrate... I swear I could see his mouth forming some sort of sentence but my head macam fail nak function.

It's like being starstruck, only better.

Or it could be because he speaks teramat la perlahan. Haha.

Remember when I said I'm treading on dangerous grounds? Now I'm digging my own 6 feet grave hole.

I'm so screwed.

In movies, when the girl gets way over her head, her best friend is standing ready by the side to slap her back into reality.

Any volunteers anyone? Because I really need to get back down to planet earth. ;p

Monday, March 15, 2010

#9. The way he stares when I screw something up.

Can't decide whether he thinks I'm an utter moron or he's probably thinking "Why la do I have to put up with this kid..."

From his expression (selalunye satu je la his facial expression), you can never tell what is actually going on in his mind. I find that intriguing. Haha.

I can't seem to shake away the "bersalah" feeling though.

Guilt could eat you alive.

I honestly need help.

Will you help me God?

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Don't be alarmed if he takes you by the arm.

Let's see if I could last for eight nine days...

Pfft! I'm talking nonsense la lately ni...

Elok-elok takde pasal pergi cari pasal...

Then again Lenka did say "trouble is a friend".

And I definitely am a sucker for his charm.

=)

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Let's add another one to the pile.

I think I've been through worse before. Read : 2009 the most challenging year ever.

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Tapi kan....why does it feel like I'm on the verge of breaking down now?

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I read once that apa yang kita suka might not be good for us but apa yang kita tak suka could actually be something that is good for us. Only God knows.

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It's funny how the more you want to spend time with that person, the more distant you get with each other. Or maybe, again, it's one of God's mysterious ways of helping me getting over it.

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Nak sangat jumpa Ain, Amal, Ellina. Teha and Cia pun I miss them dearly. Only with them I can let "everything" go.

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But all of us are crazily busy at the mo. So for now kena la compress everything that's bothering me inside the "big bottle" first.

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Let's hope it does not pop open like a bottle of pressurized champagne now, shall we?

p/s : Cik F.O.S, gracias for the hug last night. I needed it. And I can never thank you enough for always bearing with me and my "kerenah". =)