Thursday, December 30, 2010

For 2011 I want to fall in love.

If I have to sum up 2010 in one word, it would be "blessed".

Yes there were some hurdles thrown in for me along the way but what is life without challenges? Life gives you a lemon, make a lemonade then.

Last year, on the exact same date, I wrote "For 2010 I want to be braver".


Because if you know me, you'd know I'm not a fan of changes. I like my "comfort zone". I was never one to try out new things. Changes scare me. Endings scare me because then I would find myself stumped, not knowing what to do next, how to begin and where to start.

I wrote scare. Not scared. Does that mean I'm still afraid?

I honestly don't know. One can't really change within a year.

But if there's one thing 2010 has taught me, it's that in each girl there has always been this thing called courage. She won't realize it's there until there's no other choice left but to face whatever it is life dealt her with a deep breath, head held high and enough faith in her heart to know that Allah would never burden her with something that is beyond her capabilities.

Through work I found out that big responsibilities that are entrusted to you, though heavy and scary, only mean people actually believe you can get the job done right. I also learned how truthful it is that it does not feel like work if you love what you do.

2010 is the year I met many new people. It kind of comes with the job description. Along the way new friendships are forged. This is also the year where I realized it is super important to have a strong support system in the name of best friends and that opening the heart to crushes or *coughs*feelings*coughs*, while can be risky and messy, offers you free shots of endorphin and put ridiculously dopey smiles on the face to last the whole day.

Through study and school I discovered that there is nothing my parents would not provide for me. Which is why for next year, I want to fall in love with studying again (Hence the picture above). Now I know that sounds far-fetched, but I was once in love with school and studying. I want to get excited about challenging myself intellectually, to be 100% passionate about everything that I'm learning. I just need to get my "mojo" back. Haha. Or maybe I should ask my cousin how she does it. Except for community medicine, she seems to love everything there is about her studies.

There are also a splatter of other random events that happened this year. Some I love and was humbly grateful that it happened, others though at first I didn't understand why they happened, after a while (of passive-aggressive rebelling) I managed to see the bigger picture. The end of one thing is the beginning of another. And yes, beginnings can be intimidating but it's what you find along the new "chapter" that is going to colour your life, no?

2011 is all about Natasha Beddingfield's Unwritten. I want to love everything that I have in my life and be grateful that I even have them in the first place. Family, friends, studies, job, money...heh, okay, I'm joking. Family, I've realized you can't choose them. You just have to love them the way they are and hope that they also love you just as much (this referring to my bratty little sister). Friends, you don't need to have over 1000 Facebook friends. It's okay to have just a handful if that small handful is dependable and hug you when you're sad and laugh with you when you're happy. The kind you call friends for life. And life? I'd say life is all things that you're brave enough to let in and risk the challenge and worth giving a damn about. It could be love, it could be a perfect GPA, it could be the career you've always wanted, it could be friends who you know will always have your back.

And it's not just "sunshine and daisies" you know. Fear, disappointment, failure. One thing I realized is that the bumps in our lives are not there to put us down. They're there to give us the credit we never gave ourselves. That after a fall, we are actually strong enough to stand up again, dust off the dirt and move on. And if we have enough sense of humour, we might even laugh at ourselves for falling down. Okay, lame attempt of trying to lighten things up. I'm stopping now, before this gets way cheesy than it already is. Harhar.

Now, the only reason I could afford playing Dr Phil and do this long a post is because today's a public holiday and my exam that was supposed to be today is rescheduled until further notice. Cheers to that.

This is goodbye then '10. Thank you for being kind to me this year and I can only say Alhamdullillah to Allah for blessing me this generously.

2011, please be good to me too.

Auf wiedersehen friends.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine

Saturday, December 25, 2010

They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot

Some things in life have a way of transporting you right back to your past just when you're ready to dive head first to a new future.

This past week the whole family has been busy packing stuff as we have to move out of our house in Subang tomorrow. So after tomorrow, Jln USJ 9/3K will be a past, Jln Kediaman 1 is currently the present and Jln Seksyen 4/10c shall soon be the future. After all the renovation work is done, that is.

I went through the motion of putting all my stuff in boxes but somehow my mind still can't process and digest everything that was happening around me.

How weird is it that I only have 1 large box of clothes but 4 equally large boxes of books? I know I love books but I didn't count on having them more than clothes.

Wait, does that me I'm a geek? Should I be freaking out? think what that means is I'm the beauty with brains.

Care to join me laugh out loud?

Anyway, remember what I said about things from past and diving head first into a new future earlier?

An old Pocahontas story book takes me back to the time when we were in Brunei and Times Bookstore just opened their first outlet there.

A Backstreet Boys cassette brought back memories of the time when I had my friends over at my house because we had this Add Maths project due. I think it was a Kerja Kursus about 'Jambatan Besi'. Can't really remember the details but I do remember my friends Claudia and Ain needed a break from the PC and right at that moment a track by BSB played on my hi-fi. 'If I Don't Have You'. And I remembered Claudia giving us a weird and horrified look as I sang to Nick and Ain sang to A.J.

A box of The O.C stuff (posters, VCDs, novels, a file with Ryan's pic on the front) made me smile as I think back to those days when I was crazily into Ryan Atwood. In that box was also an Aidilfitri card by Amal but she addressed it to Ryan Atwood. I slept, breathed and practically drank The O.C.

A green, hard bound thesis reminded me of all kinds of hurdles I went through for my Bachelor's final year project and when I thought I would never make it to the other side, my scroll proved me otherwise.

Then I came across my empty bottle of Wild Cherries EDT. And another set of emotions overwhelmed me. Somehow that specific scent will always remind me of my workplace because I wore it everyday to work. Only to work and nowhere else though I don't exactly know the reason behind that. Wait...okay, I think I remembered why now...

My point is, just when I think I'm ready for this big change that is soon to be happen, my past is clinging onto me and holding me back. All things about me, all the things (good and bad) that happened to me and all the things that somehow played a part (though small) in making me the person that I am today, all are in that awesome place I called home.

It's a good thing I get to pack all little bits of my "past" and bring them with me to this new "future" home.

I think for me, moving on is going to be harder than moving out.

Tsk tsk...Such a drama queen, I am.


Friday, December 24, 2010

It all started with the big BANG!

Am currently obsessed with The Big Bang Theory.

I swear to God I've never laughed this hard while watching a sitcom that even my baby sis gave me a worried look thinking her sister has gone nuts laughing all by herself.

Before this, there were only 2 telly sitcoms I truly ever loved : Everybody Loves Raymond and How I Met Your Mother.

Yes, I was never a fan of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

The Big Bang Theory is so darn good that I'm loving it more than HIMYM. Move over Barney, Raj is my new favourite guy now.

He is frickin' adorable even when he can't speak to women.

Now awaiting for season 2 and 3 from Amal. Please, please, pretty PLEASE Amal, with a Sheldon on top?? ;p

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

"I'd send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address."

Can I have at least 6 months of hiatus from EVERYTHING to catch up on my reading list please?

Yeah, like that will happen.

Forgive me dear mind, for it has been a while since I last indulged you with a good, enriching book.

How I missed those days where I could finish up a book in one day. That was achieved by locking myself up in my room and only going down to the kitchen for a chocolate bar before again isolating myself from the world.

This past year (now that 2010 is nearing to an end), study and work took up all 7 days of my week that I hardly have any time left to do leisure reading. And even when I do find the time to do a quick reading (dapat habiskan satu chapter pun jadilah...) the reasonable side of me would always think, "Bukan patut study and baca all those boring revision books dulu ke?".

Darn it.

But even my conscience can't stop me from buying more books and along the way I find myself building a large collection of unread-but-I-swear-I'm-gonna-read-them-the-minute-I-have-the-time-books

A new addition to the family :

Yes, the box set has finally arrived after months of pestering my former manager to order it for me. Back when I was working with Borders, the month that the 3rd book was finally released I got tons of customers asking me about it. The funny thing was, this trilogy set is actually categorized under "Young Adult" but the people who were inquiring about it were mostly adults. Bila dah jadi macam tu, wajib la google and see what the craze is all about kan?

From what I read, the critics love the trilogy. It's Stephen King approved and Stephenie Meyer also raves about it. (Okay, I know you're not a fan of her Ain but I love her work. I just hate the movie).

MPH also sells the box set retailing at RM74.90 but the books aren't hardcover bounded. Unlike mine. So you can imagine how gleeful I am now right now. Heheh...

I'm also putting some of these items in my book list. Maybe after I'm done with Hunger Games.

I am among the thousands of die hard fans of Sophie Kinsella. I now only have to wait (patiently) for the small, paperback version to be released (nanti tak lawa kalau susun dalam almari if I get the currently large size). Her books always have me in fits of laughter. Plus they're mostly easy reads.

The first book has been adapted into a TV series. In case you don't know, I'm a sucker for grand, epic and historical tales. Think King Arthur, Alexander and the likes of LOTR. Although I gave up on Frodo and his merry men after they gave me a throbbing pain in the head. I'm sticking to the movie version for now. I do hope Follett's books are not as difficult to understand as Tolkien's.

As for now, my consicence says I should not even sneak a peek at the box set because I still have not taken my final exams due to the chicken pox episode. So selagi tak sit for both papers that I was exempted from, I should only read my thick, boring but very informative revision books.

Crap. This is going to be a challenge.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Are the things that make you panic?

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it’s a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Bring back what once was mine

Some people prefer DreamWorks than Disney.

Me? I've always have a soft spot for Disney since my mother first bought me videotapes of Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella. Yes, we're talking way back then when VCR and bulky tapes were the staple of home entertainment.

Tangled has made me a happy girl again.

Friday, December 03, 2010

If it's love

Overqualified and underpaid.

But I loved every minute of it nonetheless.

They say if you love what you do, it does not feel like work.

As of today, at 4-something in the afternoon, after 11 months of self-discovery, patience-testing and fun-sharing-moments-with-awesome-friends-that-I'll-never-trade-anything-with, I bid my "playground" goodbye.

But before that....

To you, for always being there for me with chocolates and hugs. For tolerating me and my ngada2 punye kerenah with always a cheerful smile. For debik-ing some sense in me when I needed to be debik-ed. Most of all, for listening. For giving a damn. Thank you. And I apologize (again) for the one time I was disrespectful towards you. I am not proud of it.

To you, who at times can really make me shake my head and laugh just at the sight of you and your gelabah landak poyoness. I'll always remember your pearl of wisdom, "Belum malam sudah bermimpi".

To you, who despite of what everybody said, were kind enough to me and were always looking out for my best interest.

To you, for your selamba-ness and making things a breeze for me and my work. Hands down you are definitely one cool superior with your plaid pants, tattoo and a scrunchie on your head.

To you, for being a kind big brother to your mui chai. The kindest and most optimistic guy I've ever met in my entire life.

To you, for being my guru slash trainer. For teaching me all that I needed to know and more. For entrusting me with responsibilities.

To you, for being my cashier mentor and one of my first friends there. Sorry I'm not a huge Manga fan. May life always treat you well.

To you, for being the one old-soul dude I can always bully. They might call you a nerd, but just so you know, nerds are totally in this year. ;p

To you, for being a nice kakak to me. For not thinking of me badly even when you could have. Instead you guided me and helped me in times of need when I've no one to ask for help.

To you, the one with "Trouble Is A Friend". For giving me something to look forward to at work everyday. I love it when you smile and I like it when you wear those brown khakis.

Also not forgetting to you, the one uncle who was one of the first few people who was nice to me.

So....untuk kamu-kamu semua di atas tu, thank you for making me love even more what I do.

I am truly blessed beyond measure.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Loving you is like food to my soul

I'm vain enough I guess to actually cry when I look at myself in the mirror...

"Sakit itu penghapus dosa" is what they say.

Because I don't have the guts to look in the mirror when applying the Calamine lotion on my face, my mother is currently the one who gets to do the messy job.

One week has passed and still she's the one applying the lotion onto my face every night.

And earlier this evening I asked her the million dollar question I've been wanting to ask while she was dabbing more lotion on me.

"Mama tak geli ke tengok muka along?"

What she responded, while it was predictable, I knew it was genuine from her heart and not some excessively-sugar-coated-answer that was meant to spare my feelings.






May this be a reminder dear Self, if you ever think of making her sad in the future.