He said, "Don't give up on me baby."

I listened to this song for the first time petang tadi and entah kenapa tangan ni sampai sekarang tak boleh nak berhenti tekan butang replay.

Over and over and over again. Still.

He's telling a story from the first verse to the last.

I love it.

When the child wants to be an adult.

And when the adult wants to be a child again.

*

*

*

The big sister says to the baby sister, “ Fine, Along akan ajar Ina drive kereta if Ina temankan Along main buaian malam karang.”

Fair trade no?

She better not wreck my car.




From the window of our bedroom we can see the playground. Yeah, it's that close from our bedroom. Boleh je panjat keluar tingkap kalau nak pergi playground tu.

Very tempting for someone who loves the swing.

Too bad we can only have a go at the swing set at night. Bila kanak-kanak lain dah tidur.

I want to be a child again and not have to worry about an adult’s responsibility.

And I can't seem to understand what is my sister's rush of wanting to grow up and be an adult.

And something stirred within me.

I love Enid Blyton because she taught me the importance of saying Please and Thank You.

I like J.K Rowling because no other author could cause such curiosity in me that I absolutely have to turn to the following page to see what happens next.

I like Mitch Albom because what he writes, as simple as his sentences are, carries so much emotion in them that I couldn't help but feel the magnitude of the emotion too.

I love Hlovate because of his/her music references and for creating the character Ked Faisal.

Now, I think I'm in love with Jonathan Safran Foer. I have never read any of his books but reading the quotes, I've never felt this moved before. Each sentence struck a chord. My chord. It's like he gets it.

"Being with him made my brain quiet. I didn't have to invent a thing."

(Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

"I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others--the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad.

( Everything Is illuminated)

And the holy grail of them all :

"I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else."

And the kicker : He's taken.

I didn't sleep the whole night last night. Being a postgraduate student, my classes start at 6pm and usually end at 9pm. So waktu tidur, makan and everything else pun jadi tunggang langgang la sebab I'd get home around 9.30-10 pm, have dinner (when actually one should have dinner at 8 pm), channel surf and bila mood dah sampai baru la I would open up my lecture notes to study until the wee hours of the morning.

So yeah, I would go to bed after Subuh and get up at... well, you can figure that out yourself. Anyway, this morning after Subuh prayer, I still was wide awake. So I decided to channel surf until I get sleepy. The usual routine. Tekan 101, 102, 103 --- 701, 702, 703 (no good cooking show was on) --- and patah balik to 101, 102, 103. Like the show would change from the last 30 seconds I tuned in but hey, it's a force of habit (which my mom finds very much annoying when she joins me in front of the telly).

Kept channel surfing until I reached Channel 106, Astro Oasis. 'Soal Asyraf' was on. I know this show from the commercials I've seen on TV but tak pernah sekali pun tengok cerita ni. A big loss, I now only realized.

Sebab the host, ustaz dia... holy crap memang buat orang coughs*tertarik*coughs. He smiled throughout the entire show, spoke with a distinct hint of loghat utara and when he recited a verse from the Quran, memang cair respect la... Goodbye James Morrison's sexy voice. Hello Assalamualaikum Ustaz.

Wajib la Google kan? Apparently he was the winner of the first Imam Muda. And he's from Penang. (You do know loghat Penang is a weakness to me kan?) And he's super smart. A UM graduate and he won a scholarship to purse his postgraduate studies in Al-Madinah International University as part of the prize of winning the Imam Muda title.

Patutla my roommate Teha suruh parents dia cari calon suami dari siri Imam Muda tu.

Guys like that, I think normal girls like me can only "berangan" je because their knowledge in Islam are far superior than mine. The way they recite the verses of Quran alone would put me to shame.

Both wives of the 1st and 2nd winner of the show my God memang lawa. Good women are for good men and vice versa, no?

Random : I might be following season 2 of Imam Muda. And my mom would think I've completely lost it.

The feminist tagline : Woman and PROUD of it

I'm a mild feminist. Mild, because I know there's more than just standing up for your own self to be a true feminist. Still learning though..

I like to do what the guys told me I can't do. They say you can't "belajar tinggi sebab nanti end up dekat dapur jugak". But I am. Master's degree in UM and am loving the fact that I'm as intellectually challenged as the next guy.

They say you can't do hard-core physical activity because you're weak. But I did. Conquered Mount Ledang (all 1276 metres of it), which I must point out is three times higher than Bukit Tabur.

They say you should have a big, tough boyfriend who can oh-so "protect" you from the "big-bad-wolves" of the world, the one that will shield you from those people making chicken and ham sandwiches in the KTM coach, the one that will help you carry your handbag because it is too "heavy" for you to carry it on your own, the one who will decide for you what and how to wear your tudung because using your mind to have your own opinion could result in permanent brain damage.

But I don't. And I know I'm doing okay so far.

(And yes, I actually have a friend who went into panic attack because she was caught red handed not wearing her tudung the way her douche boyfriend wanted her to wear it. And my former roommate, who is such a great person, had to literally hide her test paper from her loser of a now-ex-boyfriend because he can't handle the fact that she's smarter than him. This guy actually told her not to study or ace the exam.)

I look up to successful women. My mom, because she is one amazing, successful cook. I like the fact that as much as I look like my mom, I take on more of my dad's traits but her cooking skill is the one thing I have always been envious of. I'm not exaggerating and I'm not saying this because she's my mom. Ask any of my friends, ask any of my uncle or aunt, ask anybody who has ever been to our home and had something to eat. They would attest to this and I don't even have to bribe them. Everything that comes out from her kitchen is pure gold.

She also taught me not to be weak. One time when I had a momentary fling (nothing serious) with a guy and things didn't work out, I found myself crying (I was young and naive then). When my mom found out, she gave me a time limit to cry ("Sampai pukul 6.30 je") and after the time limit she said I can not cry anymore. So I cried till 6.30 and she took me out to Subang Parade after that. Really, I'm not even joking. How cool is that right?

I also look up to Saidatina Aisyah Abu Bakar, wife of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w who was known for her intelligence. Others include Dzireena Mahadzir (local columnist for The Star), Madeleine Wickham (successful author of the Shopaholic series), and Prof Dr Siti Salwah Salim (my lecturer who made me realized that one of my goals in life is to do a PhD before the age of 35).

But there is one who's not on the list : Ayaan Hirsi Ali. Her awards speak for her success and she is a feminist activist but Ayaan Hirsi Ali is far from a solid role model for Muslim women. This is a woman who realized she lost her faith over a glass of wine and actually challenged students of an Islamic primary school in a debate of Quran and Dutch constitutions. Why she didn't challenge adult Muslim women is beyond me. And her critical views towards Islam astonish me deeply. She justifies her actions as practising the freedom of speech but realized only later after being sued that she "should have chosen her words more carefully". It's kind of funny to me. She's a smart woman but it took her one long court proceeding to figure out that she should have been more sensitive.

I'm not sure if her book is available here in Malaysia. It is very controversial, that much I can tell just by googling it. However I have to agree with the review made by The Economist :

".... much as she tries, the kind of problems that Ms Hirsi Ali describes in Infidel are all too human to be blamed entirely on Islam. Her book shows that her life, like those of other Muslims, is more complex than many people in the West may have realised. But the West's tendency to seek simplistic explanations is a weakness that Ms Hirsi Ali also shows she has been happy to exploit." (The Economist, 2007)

We're in the rain still searching for the sun

The song is simple. Direct. If I was listening to it on the radio I'd go, "Bolehla tahan..."

But because I watched the video first on TV I found myself thinking it is actually pretty good. Nothing lame and eye-rolling-worthy like I would usually do every time I hear the name "Jonas".

If you're a Jo Bros fan, I mean no offence. I just think The Moffatts did everything better than them.

I'm loving the video. It's genuinely honest. Partly because Joe isn't in it. Hah!

The part where Nick held the "Diabetic" card and the soldier held the "Mother" card are my favourite.

I am : Gray. Not black or white.